Here is the promised podcast as a companion to the two part Phone Game posts.
Phone Game and Dating
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Phone Game II
So you got her phone number, you followed the first installment of the phone game sequence, and she answers, now what?
This is where you begin, as with any interaction, with the method. The six steps remember of Charisma Arts method are: Open, Get Commitment, Establish Rapport, Get Info, SOI, and Close.
Open
Whoever answers greet them with her name, “Hi Susan!”
No need to say who you are because her phone has your name in it and already told her what your name is. If it is a guy that answers do the same thing. This creates a sense of familiarity. He will likely just hand the phone to her thinking you are a close friend who expected her to answer her own phone. If you ask if she is there, then he may just ask her like this, “Uh hold on I’ll see if she is around. Who is this? Hey Susan, some guy named Dan is on the phone, do you want to take it or should I tell him you are busy?”
Not the best impression eh? Also if she answers and you ask her if Susan is there, it sets up the feeling of being strangers.
Get Commitment
Once you get her on the phone it is time to get commitment to the interaction. Start off asking, “What are you doing right now?”
If she tells you something like watching her kid brother, tell her you will call her back when she is done. This shows you expect her full attention and is very high value. I don’t like to talk to people while they are distracted and in turn I try not to be doing anything but talking if I am on the phone. No checking email or watching TV when I am having a conversation. If she says she is just watching TV then say, “Can you turn it off or put it aside for five minutes?”
I expect someone’s full attention when I talk to them; I don’t want to waste my time talking to someone who is distracted. This is how I get commitment.
Establish Rapport
Whether you are a phone person or not it is good to chat just a bit to remind her just how different your conversational style is. Relating and Appreciating her a bit will do just that. If you are not good on the phone you can keep this to a minimum, but you should do a bit.
Get Info
Ask her, “So what’s happened since the last time we’ve talked?”
This is an important step because you don’t know if she got back together with her ex, or her mom died, she’s going in for surgery, or something else that would affect how you interact with her. It would be a shame to go out with her and then at the end of the date she finally gets the nerve up to tell you she just got back together with her ex. Depending on the answer you will know whether you need to take it slower and schedule things around her moms funeral, or whether you can slide a date in the next couple days.
SOI
Time to make sure she knows why you are asking her out. Promise me you won’t skip this step otherwise you will likely be stuck dog sitting for her poodle on a Saturday night instead of going out with her. The word is Sexy and there is no other word. If you are having trouble SOI’ng her in your conversation, then try doing it in a more playful way. Say, “So what are you wearing right now?”
Guaranteed she will say something un-sexy like a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. You then say, “Ooooh I can definitely use my imagination there, very sexy.”
This is a fun way to do it because it is goofy and so cheesy it comes off well.
Close
Time to set a date. Offer her up a time and day; don’t ask. She will let you know if it won’t work. For example:
You: Ok I think we should get together, you are too much fun. Thursday at 9pm I’ll meet you down at the 3rd street pub and we’ll grab a beer.
Her: I actually can’t that day.
You: That’s cool, well that means it is your turn to propose a day and time. I don’t know you well enough to give you a weekend night, you are going to have to ask really nicely if you want me to yourself on a Friday or Saturday.
Her: Well then, I’d be honored if you joined me for a drink on Sunday night at 8pm. Hopefully that will fit into your busy schedule Mr. Popular.
Me: Sounds good. I’ll see you then.
Want to hear more on dating and what to do on dates, as well as a bit more on phone game? Listen to the accompanying podcast on Phone Game and Dating. Coming Soon!
This is where you begin, as with any interaction, with the method. The six steps remember of Charisma Arts method are: Open, Get Commitment, Establish Rapport, Get Info, SOI, and Close.
Open
Whoever answers greet them with her name, “Hi Susan!”
No need to say who you are because her phone has your name in it and already told her what your name is. If it is a guy that answers do the same thing. This creates a sense of familiarity. He will likely just hand the phone to her thinking you are a close friend who expected her to answer her own phone. If you ask if she is there, then he may just ask her like this, “Uh hold on I’ll see if she is around. Who is this? Hey Susan, some guy named Dan is on the phone, do you want to take it or should I tell him you are busy?”
Not the best impression eh? Also if she answers and you ask her if Susan is there, it sets up the feeling of being strangers.
Get Commitment
Once you get her on the phone it is time to get commitment to the interaction. Start off asking, “What are you doing right now?”
If she tells you something like watching her kid brother, tell her you will call her back when she is done. This shows you expect her full attention and is very high value. I don’t like to talk to people while they are distracted and in turn I try not to be doing anything but talking if I am on the phone. No checking email or watching TV when I am having a conversation. If she says she is just watching TV then say, “Can you turn it off or put it aside for five minutes?”
I expect someone’s full attention when I talk to them; I don’t want to waste my time talking to someone who is distracted. This is how I get commitment.
Establish Rapport
Whether you are a phone person or not it is good to chat just a bit to remind her just how different your conversational style is. Relating and Appreciating her a bit will do just that. If you are not good on the phone you can keep this to a minimum, but you should do a bit.
Get Info
Ask her, “So what’s happened since the last time we’ve talked?”
This is an important step because you don’t know if she got back together with her ex, or her mom died, she’s going in for surgery, or something else that would affect how you interact with her. It would be a shame to go out with her and then at the end of the date she finally gets the nerve up to tell you she just got back together with her ex. Depending on the answer you will know whether you need to take it slower and schedule things around her moms funeral, or whether you can slide a date in the next couple days.
SOI
Time to make sure she knows why you are asking her out. Promise me you won’t skip this step otherwise you will likely be stuck dog sitting for her poodle on a Saturday night instead of going out with her. The word is Sexy and there is no other word. If you are having trouble SOI’ng her in your conversation, then try doing it in a more playful way. Say, “So what are you wearing right now?”
Guaranteed she will say something un-sexy like a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. You then say, “Ooooh I can definitely use my imagination there, very sexy.”
This is a fun way to do it because it is goofy and so cheesy it comes off well.
Close
Time to set a date. Offer her up a time and day; don’t ask. She will let you know if it won’t work. For example:
You: Ok I think we should get together, you are too much fun. Thursday at 9pm I’ll meet you down at the 3rd street pub and we’ll grab a beer.
Her: I actually can’t that day.
You: That’s cool, well that means it is your turn to propose a day and time. I don’t know you well enough to give you a weekend night, you are going to have to ask really nicely if you want me to yourself on a Friday or Saturday.
Her: Well then, I’d be honored if you joined me for a drink on Sunday night at 8pm. Hopefully that will fit into your busy schedule Mr. Popular.
Me: Sounds good. I’ll see you then.
Want to hear more on dating and what to do on dates, as well as a bit more on phone game? Listen to the accompanying podcast on Phone Game and Dating. Coming Soon!
Monday, January 15, 2007
The Friend Zone
I have some bad news. You are not the perfect guy. You can’t get any woman you want. NO ONE can. Sure the best Pick up artists out there are so good that they can manipulate a large percentage of women into falling for them temporarily. Why only Five for Five? Because even if Mystery achieves his elusive goal there will be a woman who will quickly step up that he can’t seduce. The idea you can have any woman you want is an illusion. Sorry to burst your bubble, you might just have to stop looking for that perfect seduction method or technique.
Maybe the first thing you need to do is write off that girl who put you in the friend zone. You can’t have her; she already let you know that. SHE put you in to the friend zone, it is pretty clear you aren’t going to change her mind. I mean come on really, how long have you been pining over her?
More often than I like to admit I get emails asking me how to get a certain girl that a guy has been wanting for a long time. I do my spiel on making sure you put the interaction on the line, call her sexy (SOI her) and start using sexual barriers. Technically if you could lose your agenda to have her, and stop putting her so high on a pedestal, yes that is how you would get out of the friend zone. I’ve yet to hear it work for any of my clients. Not because it isn’t possible to get out of the friend zone, it is because they can’t lose their agenda and see her as a normal human being. It is a case of oneitis. I see great guys who are very smooth with women do the stupidest things around their oneitis. The community advice is go fuck ten other women. This might be a spot where I agree with their crude but sound advice.
The fact is some women aren’t going to fall in love with you. Live with that. It doesn’t mean you aren’t desirable or an attractive person. It means you didn’t fit her qualifications. Get over it.
So now I’ve just belittled your undying love for this woman and you are left hoping I’m wrong. I’ve dashed your fantasy of having any woman you want, and you probably doubt your ability to get ANY woman at all. Sorry I didn’t mean to do that. So what next?
What is left is to start being happy with whom you are. Take a month off the community, don’t hang out with that “friend” your pining over and in fact maybe don’t date for a month. Call up every guy friend you have (outside the community) and hang out with them. What, you don’t have any? Well this is your month to make them. Enroll in some new classes in whatever you might like. Hell, do things you don’t know if you like and have never tried. Go to the gym regularly. This is the month to get you happy with yourself. One of the reasons women don’t like you is you don’t really even like yourself. Don’t even think of staying in and having a pity party. Have fun without women, period.
At the end of your month, return to the dating scene with a vengeance; get out there and start dating anyone. Just start dating. However don’t drop the new friends you’ve made and new hobbies you’ve started. Be passionate about life and make dating only ONE part of it. Don’t get caught up with one woman, there are too many out there. Hey, and if you haven’t noticed since after your month off, you are a lot more attractive to all of them.
If you can forget about the girl who put you in the friend zone, and stop pining over her, she might just change her mind about you. Don’t count on it, don’t try for it; instead if she comments on all the women you are dating your reply should be “don’t be jealous, you had your chance.” And mean it! She was the one who put you in the friend zone, now it is your turn to put her there and make her wonder why you don’t want her anymore. You can’t fake this; you actually have to move on. It might help to think of all the things you don’t like about her and stop thinking she is a perfect angel. Knock her off your pedestal in your mind. You can do better than her and you should go out and get that.
Once you’ve had women more beautiful and more fun than her, maybe when you are single again, she will finally be obtainable again. Only because you know you have choice and confidence.
So my answer to the friend zone is give up on her. She really isn’t worth this much mental and emotional energy. There are other better women out there. I know, I pass on amazing women in lots of cities all the time. I don’t do long distance no matter how wonderful a woman is. No matter how many times I have found the perfect woman, I always seem to find more of them. I look back at those perfect women of my AFC days and realize I have dated and dumped women better than that. You will find better too.
Sorry if this isn’t what you want to hear, but it is what you need to hear. Stop keeping your balls in a box on the shelf when it comes to that “friend” and move on.
Maybe the first thing you need to do is write off that girl who put you in the friend zone. You can’t have her; she already let you know that. SHE put you in to the friend zone, it is pretty clear you aren’t going to change her mind. I mean come on really, how long have you been pining over her?
More often than I like to admit I get emails asking me how to get a certain girl that a guy has been wanting for a long time. I do my spiel on making sure you put the interaction on the line, call her sexy (SOI her) and start using sexual barriers. Technically if you could lose your agenda to have her, and stop putting her so high on a pedestal, yes that is how you would get out of the friend zone. I’ve yet to hear it work for any of my clients. Not because it isn’t possible to get out of the friend zone, it is because they can’t lose their agenda and see her as a normal human being. It is a case of oneitis. I see great guys who are very smooth with women do the stupidest things around their oneitis. The community advice is go fuck ten other women. This might be a spot where I agree with their crude but sound advice.
The fact is some women aren’t going to fall in love with you. Live with that. It doesn’t mean you aren’t desirable or an attractive person. It means you didn’t fit her qualifications. Get over it.
So now I’ve just belittled your undying love for this woman and you are left hoping I’m wrong. I’ve dashed your fantasy of having any woman you want, and you probably doubt your ability to get ANY woman at all. Sorry I didn’t mean to do that. So what next?
What is left is to start being happy with whom you are. Take a month off the community, don’t hang out with that “friend” your pining over and in fact maybe don’t date for a month. Call up every guy friend you have (outside the community) and hang out with them. What, you don’t have any? Well this is your month to make them. Enroll in some new classes in whatever you might like. Hell, do things you don’t know if you like and have never tried. Go to the gym regularly. This is the month to get you happy with yourself. One of the reasons women don’t like you is you don’t really even like yourself. Don’t even think of staying in and having a pity party. Have fun without women, period.
At the end of your month, return to the dating scene with a vengeance; get out there and start dating anyone. Just start dating. However don’t drop the new friends you’ve made and new hobbies you’ve started. Be passionate about life and make dating only ONE part of it. Don’t get caught up with one woman, there are too many out there. Hey, and if you haven’t noticed since after your month off, you are a lot more attractive to all of them.
If you can forget about the girl who put you in the friend zone, and stop pining over her, she might just change her mind about you. Don’t count on it, don’t try for it; instead if she comments on all the women you are dating your reply should be “don’t be jealous, you had your chance.” And mean it! She was the one who put you in the friend zone, now it is your turn to put her there and make her wonder why you don’t want her anymore. You can’t fake this; you actually have to move on. It might help to think of all the things you don’t like about her and stop thinking she is a perfect angel. Knock her off your pedestal in your mind. You can do better than her and you should go out and get that.
Once you’ve had women more beautiful and more fun than her, maybe when you are single again, she will finally be obtainable again. Only because you know you have choice and confidence.
So my answer to the friend zone is give up on her. She really isn’t worth this much mental and emotional energy. There are other better women out there. I know, I pass on amazing women in lots of cities all the time. I don’t do long distance no matter how wonderful a woman is. No matter how many times I have found the perfect woman, I always seem to find more of them. I look back at those perfect women of my AFC days and realize I have dated and dumped women better than that. You will find better too.
Sorry if this isn’t what you want to hear, but it is what you need to hear. Stop keeping your balls in a box on the shelf when it comes to that “friend” and move on.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)