Texting I have to say is one of the best technologies besides the cell phone to affect social interaction in a long time. Women are absolutely addicted to it and rarely let a message go by without answering them. You can use this to your advantage if you know why and how text is so addictive, as well as the limitations inherent in it.
The reason texting is so addictive is because it is literally the least intrusive, least demanding form of communication ever created. It can be answered quickly, discreetly in public, and most importantly, it doesn’t commit you to communicating with anyone for a certain period of time. Email is also like this but the longer the email the more I feel I have to write in response. Texts are never very long so are easy to respond to without committing a lot of my precious time. I know when I get a text I may spend more time typing out a message on my cell phone than just calling the person back, but I know I won’t have to be stuck on the phone longer than I choose. That is a very addictive thing. Communication using text feels like it is on my terms, and it feels like that for the other person too.
Learning to text with women is important. Beware though that without tone, intonation, body language, and facial expression there is a lot that is lot and can be misinterpreted. I am careful to never tease too much or say something that could be misinterpreted.
If you are not a fluent texter yet you can still take advantage of this technology. The trick is that if a woman texts you back, you can call her. She almost always answers because she knows you caught her with her phone. Or she will make an excuse why she can’t talk. I text women the first night I meet them when I get home before I go to bed. I often will get a reply and get to talk to them that very night.
My first text is simply “It was nice meeting you tonight, I enjoyed talking about______. I’ll give you a call Tue at 6:30pm.” Use proper English and don’t be tempted to use text speak. It tells a lot more about you that you took the time to write things out. Almost always after the first text she will text me before that time and date. Then I call her when she replies.
There are some important limitations to text as well. I NEVER ask for commitment over text. I don’t ask her out on a date, I don’t ask her to save a night for me, I don’t text someone I haven’t talked to in a while to get in touch again. Also I don’t make outright invitations for sex over text. Make the phone call. Use text to initiate conversations, not to ask for her to commit to something with you, phones are better for that. Women feel if you are asking something of them (booty call, a date, drinks, for them to call you) you should ask them personally on the phone. They see you taking the coward’s way out if you ask them out over text.
Text can turn a flake into a day 2, it can be a great way to flirt, and it can be a nice way to keep in communication with several women without having to call them all to “chat”. Just know its limitations. Be a man and if you are going to ask something of a woman do it over the phone, not text.
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14 comments:
You forgot to say how much important is some sexual messaging.
Cool post. It's one of those times when you put in words a "social dynamic" that I was experiencing -- the same feeling I got when I've read whoever statement it was about people going to noisy pubs knowingly sacrificing communication for meeting new people.
Yeah, I was also sort-of expecting you to comment more on the "discreetly in public" thing, how it allows you to flirt dropping sexual innuendos while in public. Or maybe it's just a sign that I'm ashamed of what I am and what I do if I'm more outgoing while in privacy.
I think the real power of texting lies in it's ability to keep her thinking of you, without being to intrusive. It's safe. I've also had some really good moments using push pulls with text that really worked. I think texting is a great tool few PUA's address.
Do you always use proper English? or just on the first message?
(Thank you. I've been wanting to see an article on using text messages.)
Chad
All i have to say is i wish they had a spellchecker on texts ;) but i try my best not to t4alk lik3 thi5 u no? The fact that I spell words out and try to use punctuation says something about me. I can't tell you how often i've heard girls laugh at guys trying to text like the key pad on their cell phone is missing letters. I have also heard them make fun of guys spelling.
The way we communicate says what kind of people we are.
Now i have to get back to my remedial grammer class and brush up ;)
The night email establishing a time to call is pure gold! It is such a smooth transition toward a day two without flakes. Thanks!
I'm curious what your thoughts are on flirting/building sexual tension via text?
I never text. I do well without it. But you point out some great ways to do it right. I may try it.
I especially like the part about not texting shorthand. I also do well never putting smily faces and such in email messages. No exclamation points, or 'LOL' symbols either for me.
I've had a couple women use text to cancel last minute last year. But over all enjoyed a nice open to day2 ratio.
I'm seeing someone I'm totally into at the moment...
Well, I'd love to hear what Dan has to say about the above question, but I've found that women will often banter FAR more sexually in text than they will in person. There is something about the privacy of their own keypad where they will go wild.
And it seems to set up this great, private sexual conspiracy between you that creates incredible undertones when you next see her.
I do a lot of sexual flirting over text. Too much to write in a comment. It will be on my list for a future blog.
"I've found that women will often banter FAR more sexually in text than they will in person. There is something about the privacy of their own keypad where they will go wild."
This is great stuff. An interesting counter position I read on this topic is that after a woman goes nuts with sexual banter in text, but before a day2 has transpired, she's more likely to flake on the day2.
Reason: Too much textual sex banter gets her perceiving that your expectation for sex is high for the day2. Or a shorter way of stating it: She's teased you over text before the day2, now she has to live up to it.
Again, this is only something I've read. I can't back it up with field data because I currently don't text. I'm too slow with a phone. It sounds like many of you have the opposite experience with text and it works well for you.
Rock on!
Actually I always use text to work out details of dates. Cos' they've agreed to the acvtivity and day at the meeting, the details can be communicated with text, if you phone and they don't answer, you can't tell if they're flaking, no answer to a text means they are and you can make contingenices.
And yes you can spell check text messages, get a £5 usb phone-computer cable of ebay.
Love
Goose.
I agree, working out details is fine, as long as she has already made the commitment to come.
Great piece. Text messaging is great. Why limit your modes of communication?
Exactly Spot on. send me a text that night, lets me know you like me. Tell me when you're gonna' call and I know what to expect. Call when you say you will and I'll go on a date. Ask me for a date over text and I'll delete your contact info. Don't think twice, Its alright. Also, couldn't be more true what you say about tone. This is a problem in email also there is no tone and miscommunications are so easy. I would skip too much teasing although clever one liners are always welcome. Make me laugh when I read your text and I'll even feel bad about not texting you back.
~K
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