Listening

There is something magical when I have a group of people listening to my every word, rapt in attention, and actively showing their interest with their body language. It is partly why I do what I do. I am an attention whore. Yes I admit it. But aren’t we all to a degree? We all want that same thing for ourselves. We want people’s validation and approval. We all want to be liked; I know I do. The issue is how we allow this to direct our actions. Are we the ones trying to get everyone’s approval or are we the ones giving out our approval. The interesting thing is it is not always that easy to see who is who. When I look for that charismatic confident person I look for who is listening not just who is talking.

Wayne often mentions that the key thing he looks for in an interaction between a man and a woman is if the guy is laughing. That tells him that the guy is having a good time and is comfortable. That is when Wayne knows it is going well. What I look for is how well a man is listening to a woman. If he is intently listening he has done everything right. He opened up about himself enough to make her feel comfortable talking about herself. He also asked good open-ended questions that were substantial. However, it all hangs on how he listens.

Listening can be one of the greatest statements of appreciation we can give. In fact if you ask many women what they want in a man “a good listener” would for sure make the list. Why? It is because we all as people want to feel heard and understood. When people listen to what I say it is all of the validation I need. Then it is my turn to return the favor. The easiest way to get approval or validation is not to seek it; instead it is better to give it away because it will always return in abundance. Simply listening to someone is also a great way to show them you appreciate what they have to say and who they are.

So next time you ask a question, be sure and wait for an answer, then listen to that answer completely without worrying about what to say next. In fact after they are done speaking listen for just a bit longer to see if the speaker is completely done speaking. You will know what to respond to when you have listened intently, as well as she will feel heard and understood. That to me, is a key to Charisma.