So those of you who were on the last San Francisco workshop saw me bring home “a keeper”. She truly is one of the most amazing women I have met. HBCowboyBoots ended up being too busy for me and so I stopped bothering. However this woman I met in “The City” is a true beauty inside and out. I’m not going to post a report on meeting her mainly because she will probably read this blog one day. Those of you who saw it, got to witness a rare treat for me. Meeting a woman I have fallen in love with. Now I have to break it to all the other women I was dating. Heck even MixedMessages recently called me up after 5 months of not talking with me. She tried to seduce me the night before I went down to San Francisco and the night I came back. Yikes, I can only imagine how long it will take for her to talk to me after I tell her I have a new girlfriend. So add me to the list of CA instructors with a girlfriend. This one is a keeper.
“One-itis is only a bad thing when you don’t have options” SHH
Anyway, enough about my sappy love story. I want to talk about an interesting thing that I learned from Alison Armstrong’s program. I listened to her CD program “In Sync with the Opposite Sex” on my way up to do some kite boarding in Hood River OR. She was talking about how women can pull up to a stop sign the same time as you and feel like they need to get your number because now you’re in a relationship. Women always want more commitment than guys do. Most women can’t date for this exact reason. Dating really implies you are seeing multiple people. There is no such thing as dating exclusively; that is called a relationship. Of course it is a pretty crappy relationship if you ask me; you only get to see each other once or twice a week, and you don’t even get to see anyone else. You can explain that to her if you do it tactfully.
Women will very quickly assume a relationship no matter what you do. Defining the bounds of that relationship (even if it is non-exclusive dating) is important. The interesting thing though, is women will start doing that for you without you even realizing it. Guys will often say things when they meet someone they like such as “We should go surfing together sometime.” What you are doing is trying her out, seeing how she fits in your life. I am definitely guilty on this one. I like a woman who can be adventurous with me so I often say things like that. The problem is that women hear this “I am going to be with you for a time long enough to bring you surfing in the future.” God save the poor guy who says this on a January date. If she likes you, that is considered a relationship binding commitment. If she hasn’t decided whether she likes you in that way yet, you are moving WAY too fast for her speaking about committing to that much time together. If she does like you and think you might be a good boyfriend, then she is going to be shocked if you don't want to commit. She already heard you say you want to be with her for a time long enough to go surfing so you already made a commitment.
So when you are thinking about how a woman fits in your life keep your mouth shut and think those things to yourself. If you are going to say something like that there damn well better be a time and date in the near future you are planning to do that with her. This will save you from her thinking you are more committed than you are to
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8 comments:
Helloo Nurse. She is cute. Sorry HBCowboyBoots didn't work out, I liked her alias.
also you can time constrain the meet, to show the activity is what is important, and she's merely invited to tag along.
What I found as an AFC, is women would just time constrain me, as security against discomfort, we'd meet and they'd be like the first words out of her mouth, then she was obliged to be consistent with this.
What I did wrong was not to make it totally clear I would be doing said activity anyway (even clearer if friends are going), and time constraining her. This led to many mutually unsatisfactory dating experiences.
Its a shame you tell people about this blog, your right to be proud of it, but it was good reading FR from a JMer actually getting results.
Really, really good relationship oriented program for men is Doc Love's The system.
You can check his free articles from askmen.com
Time constraining the date is something i really don't agree with. I know this is a big MM thing but I don't like it. I like to be genuine, not acting like something. If you invited her to do something you were going to do anyway genuinely, sure. But i think "acting" like you are busy and are just squeezing her in is ingenuine and women can sense that.
If you feel you need to be busy in your life to show value, that you have friends and other obligations, truly create that, don't just act like it is that way.
It is a different method though. Using the method from Charisma Arts you show your interest very quickly. I'm not sure when you show interest in MM, hopefully sometime before you sleep with her. So with our method asking her out for drinks is not a big deal. People go out for drinks all the time. It is not heavy. We reccomend you don't go out on a date where the "activity" is important. That you go out on a date that is almost boring, and gives you a chance to talk and get to know eachother.
But thanks for the comment, just a different system really. And just so you know there are LOTS of JM'rs getting great results. For some reason they don't write a lot of field reports. My theory is it is too hard to remember what you actually said since none of it is scripted. I think if i wrote most of my reports they would be like this:
I said Hi
She said Hi
We talked about what she did for a living
I talked about what i did for a living
I related to her emotions
I called her sexy
We talked more
I kissed her
We talked more
I told her i couldn't take her home tonight because she didn't know me well enough yet.
We went home together.
Hmm boring field report. But there is it, I posted my Lay Report for all to see. Just insert one of my many interactions into that and there we go.
I think the community is obsessed with Lay Reports. I know a lot of Charisma Arts students out there getting a lot of sex, i don't see them posting their results. Guess it is just a different mindset.
IME UK girls under 22 will time constrain you on a date. unless you take measures to prevent this.
They do this to feel comfortable, out of fear of discomfort. If you let them do it then they're committed to it. If you beat them to it, then its more open, you can 'foget' your TC, or say 'actually I'm having more fun with you'.
Maybe this is just my experience, seriously every girl I've ever been out with under 22 has TC herself.
Of course the community is obsessed with LR, its where you learn the most, bar being out infeild, its where you get to see how people handle contingencies successfully. And its what men are in the community to do - get laid - and thus consequently have the opportunity to start some form of relationship.
Congratulations on finding a girl that is "a keeper." This is what we are all striving to find and I am really happy for you that you've found it.
In the words of my father: when temptation strikes in the future, don't forget what you've said here today.
SexyIntent
Man I love this post. This really got me thinking... surfing really is a DHV thing for me because it's the ultimate kino/flirt/vibe date for me. I get the chance to show off my 6 pack, tan, smile and splash my date around in the water.
The hard part for me, is getting an HB to commit to this day2 at a club. I've tried this several times after having a sincere conversation in isolation.
I'm giving up on the surfing day2close and going for the token coffee date, just so I can actually get her to come out. Thanks for the post SHH.
Oh well so much for the keeper. Too emotionally closed off and un-affectionate for me. Independant women are so sexy to me but sometimes they are just too much in their own trip to let anyone else in.
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