One of the first things I learned when working for someone else, was that if I was appreciated in my job, I enjoyed my job more and felt good about the people I worked for. When I wasn’t appreciated, no matter how good the job, I didn’t like my boss and didn’t want to work hard. Appreciation is a human need as important as food and water. Being such it can be a drug as well.
We grow up seeking appreciation and approval from our parents, siblings, teachers, friends, etc. Some of us even develop major issues in our life surrounding this very thing. We crave appreciation, approval, and attention and seek it out in everything we do. When someone genuinely appreciates us we can’t help but to feel good about ourselves, and feel good about the person who is giving us that.
Showing appreciation is at the heart of being charismatic. It is a reward like no other. I give my appreciation and approval out freely. I actively seek to appreciate people. It always pays me back tenfold. For example I was checking into the Hotel Max in Seattle; one of my favorite hotels I have been to. I started saying some kind appreciative words to the woman behind the desk, who had made my last stay so enjoyable, when the general manager overheard and gave me a free $25 sushi lunch! This happens to me all the time; from free desserts to hotel upgrades.
When you give your appreciation freely people will crave to be around you because you make them feel so good about themselves. It is such a powerful thing and will make you a very charismatic person.
5 comments:
hey man, love your blog. i took a CA workshop here in NYC with kory, johnny and matt. i'm still having trouble though. Johnny says i need to take more risks. i seem to have problems in various stages of the game. I think i am a naturally good conversationalist. i have a good social circle (not many women though!) and keep pretty busy with activities.
My first 3 minutes w/ women is basically my sticking point. i feel the girl ejects on me. conversation stalls out or i'm not playful enough. do you have any new perspectives on the first 3 minutes now that you're an instructor?
here's what i've distilled that i need to do more of. would like your input:
1) Compliment openers and observation openers are golden. They provide a justification for why you're striking up a conversation with someone. I've had excellent quality interactions over the last coupla days using them. They're honest as well. This kind of opener is a reward for something they did as well and gets them to open up.
2) Instead of me showing off to them, reveal how impressed I am that they know this stuff. I'm too used to being a know-it-all. Instead play DUMB and ask them for more and reward them.
3) State: I love to get to know new people. Tell me something interesting about yourself
4) Reward people for opening me! Wow, you are really friendly. It takes guts to come up and talk to strangers like this. We are in NYC after all. Were you always this friendly?
Hey man, great blog. I will take the CA workshop in Seattle on 8/18. Do you have some insight in not beeing deffensive ? It seems a sticking point for me.
Check out My blogs on "The first 3 minutes" and "Defensiveness".
Honestly for the first three minutes you have to relate. If your conversation is not on an equal level of you asking about her and telling about yourself it will fall apart. It sounds like you have some good goals. Keep with it. Not sure what else is going on, if you haven't already used your phone consult with one of your instructors i would set one up with them.
As for defensiveness learn to agree more. If she says something bad just force yourself to agree or disqualify.
I'm also defensive.
Would love to hear some insights into the nature of defensiveness (from where it stems and what to do about it).
Man...say this little 4 years old tells you that you have a horrible taste for clothes. You should wear dipers from now on.
Imagine some kid, who just started out playing golf 2 weeks ago, he is a handicap 33. Now he walks up to Tiger Woods and Jack Nicklaus and comments how T's swing is too fast, and how J's swing is too flat. What would they do??
It is not quite the same thing, but perhaps those analogies bring you some clarity. And by all means I m trying to imply that girls are bellow guys, I just wanna ilustrate situations where you clearly wouldnt seek approval.
Post a Comment