Over and over guys ask me "what do I say when i talk to her?" The important thing really isn't what you say, rather that you connect emotions and feelings to your words. Always relate to what she is saying and reward her on her high points.
Recently in a seminar we had a client who said the conversation just always stalled out because he couldn't find anything interesting to talk about. My response was "Talk about things that are interesting to you then!" I sat him down and we nailed down 5 topics that he enjoyed. Fashion, Food, Fitness, Relationships,Travel. Then i asked him to come up with an open ended question for each topic so that he could easily keep the conversation going.
Fashion: You have a nice style. [Reward] So tell me what you think the most common fashion mistake guys make. [be ready to disqualify]
Food: What is your favorite type of food when you go out to eat?
Fitness: Damn girl look at those guns (her biceps), your in good shape. What is your fitness routine?
Relationships: What is your relationship status. What is the best thing about being in a relationship for you? oh there are tons here. Great topic to get things moving toward sex.
Travel: What is your favorite traveling story that happened to you?
After we got these nailed down he felt comfortable that he wouldn't run out of things to talk about that he was interested in. This wasn't making a routine, it was just focusing him in on what he likes to talk about.
The most important part of this all though is keeping it about you and her and making every topic personal by relating and eliciting the emotions about the topic not the facts...
7 comments:
Man, your posts are golden. Keep them coming!
best blog in the community presently.
Hi Dan,
Many thanks for all your interesting insights.
All the tools set forth in the Juggler method work ONLY if your non-verbals are those of a strong, confident person. If you don't act like a person with strong willpower, they will BACKFIRE on you big time, and will only instigate people against you.
That has the potential to demotivate anybody who tries the Juggler method without being aware of this issue. He will get poor results even if he is saying "the right things".
When THE WEAK tries to get rapport, the higher-value people SABOTAGE them - by giving monosylabic questions, by cutting them off, by not answering, by not even looking at them as they speak. If the weak tries to "get them to commit" by using the vacuum, it only annoys people, and gives them a reason to ATTACK the weak.
Today even, a meek guy taking surveys in the park put the "vacuum" on me. It only made me angry at him for not leaving me alone faster. I may have raised my umbrella and mumbled something about cracking his skull open if he doesn't leave me alone.
I saw something else in the parc today. A lower-class woman in the park was trying to spark a conversation about pets with two middle-class women. She tried to pace their reality, she used empathy, she tried to relate to emotions, etc. You know what? NONE of those tricks worked for her. They don't work for the WEAK.
My conclusion is that the MAJOR prerequisite to make Juggler method work is to avoid, at all cost, an appeareance of WEAKNESS.
Although getting rapport is at the heart of Juggler's teaching... everything indicates that he is, in reality, very alpha, decisive and commanding with the woman.
I would love to get your opinion about this.
Best,
Larry
larrythecaveman@gmail.com
Rapport, and even routines don't work for insecure, shy, non-commited people. In fact nothing does. If you don't have some kind of display of social confidence it really won't matter what comes out of your mouth. So in response to your letter no method works for weak people.
So here is a different view. The vacuum is a HIGH VALUE technique. It says "I asked you a question and i EXPECT and answer" you can't vacuum weakly or you are doing it wrong.
Relating on emotions can be done wrong. Usually if you say that you feel the same way about the same THING. That is supplicating. However it is very different to relate to emotions when the subject is different but the emotion is the same.
I didn't see the interactions you saw so i can't venture to say why they didn't work out. Maybe the Exchange of Interaction Energy wasn't equal. More likely it is VIBE that was off. If you are giving off a vibe of weakness then you will always have a hard time.
If you don't feel worthy to talk to no one will.. It is not about weak or strong. It's about confidence.
Routines can cover insecurities and lack of confidence. But you aren't showing them who you are. Eventually they will find out. Then can you be the person that is as confident as the one telling the routines?
I would say the Method from Charisma Arts is different from most out there. We take who they are and work on their confidence, work on their vibe, teach them to be themselves in a more effective way. Some people have farther to go to be that confident person then others.
Being that confident person is the core to any method out there.
And thanks for dropping by Larry! It is always great to have more input from others in the community..
BTW if you have ever met Juggler he has an interesting presence. He does not come off as super confident. He is actually a lot more qiuet than i expected. He has a good confident persona but not super alpha.. He is just a genuinely nice interested guy..
Thank you for your answer.
I'm thinking about the case where, although a guy IS confident, there's something about him that ruins the effect. Something which cannot be easily changed.
I know a guy who looks like he's 18-years-old, although he's much older. Worse, his voice is that of an 18-years-old. Not much that can be improved there.
Approaching with a warm and friendly vibe doesn't work too well for him.
What works better for him on approach is "firm and blunt". Smiling less, returning less EC, etc.. Only later can warm and friendly vibe be switched on.
For him, it's not enough to be just "confident". He has to be STRONG right from the beginning - and SHOW it.
So that there is no doubt whatsoever about the fact that he is confident.
In other words, it's not enough for him to use the vacuum, and to manage the response in a confident way. Not even to be an interesting guy.
He also needs to be EXTRA FIRM - to the point of bluntness - about any noncommital (or tests, etc) that he gets.
I think it's a contrast thing.
If women appreciate a sense of gentle power about the man... some men need to amp up the "power" part, simply because of the way they look and sound. At least in the beginning. For demonstrative purposes.
It seems like a legitimate issue, and not just a limiting belief.
PS: I haven't met Juggler yet, although I would give anything for the opportunity (including money). Somebody who took a Juggler seminar told me that Chad doesn't appear to do the "super alpha-male" either.
Larry
Indeed, there are special cases. But i have seen some people with horrible intonation and speech, or even barely speak english, come in with a great vibe. Vibe is so body language dependant it can be overcome. For that particular person we would have to get him in a seminar or even some private instruction to really tailor the method to him.
Chad definetly isn't alpha. He was a client like me that became an instructor. In fact his specialty is vibe and disqualification. I see some incredible results with very little effort on his part.
Some of the Charisma Arts Method really has to be tuned to the individual to really have the desired impact. For people that want to take the teachings in the book further the seminar is really valuable or at least some phone consultations..
Overall though a gentle confident guy can still find his path in the method. The cool part about the Juggler Method is that it is so easily taliored to the individual and their style.
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