Equal Interaction Exchange Revisited

Equal Interaction Exchange; I'm Interesting Damn It! Part 1

There she is, the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. You actually muster up the courage to go over to her even though your feet feel like lead weights. Your doubts and fear of rejection are screaming at you like the overpowering noise of a jet engine, yet still you proceed. As you approach you catch her eyes, the deep piercing look almost knocks you backward. Although it feels like your knees almost buckle, you try desperately to keep cool and composed. With way too much game in your head, hearing the voices of the master PUA's in your head you throw it all out and open with a classic natural opener, "Hi, I'm Jim".
You try to emanate warmth as you reach out your hand confidently to shake her hand. The touch of her soft hand in yours is like velvet. Your heart is beating quickly in your chest, and every ounce of willpower is being utilized just to stay calm and collected.
That quizzical look on her face finally fades and a smile washes over her as she says "Hi, jim, I'm Sue. How are you?." You are about to jump out of your skin with excitement knowing that her warm response means the rest of this will be easier..
The conversation begins, you are charming and witty, she is intelligent and speaks with grace. Constantly going through your head are thoughts about what you should be doing and saying. You ask a great open ended question and put the vacuum on just like you read in Wayne's EBook". She responds with a great answer and you reward her by relating to her with a story of your own. The story is exciting and emotional, you have her gripped in attention hanging on every word you say. She starts asking you questions about your experience. Your tone and body language gets more confident as you tell her more of your exciting adventures. You ask her questions about herself. She tells you some interesting stuff but quickly turns it to you and wants to hear more from you. You can just feel her interest in you grow and you couldn't be more interesting at this moment. You are on fire and know you are one of the most interesting people she has met in a long while. She even tells you so. You just know the conversation is going well.
After about ten minutes of hearing your riveting stories she excuses herself to the bathroom. For the first time in a while, the insecurities and doubts start to creep back in. Wondering why she is taking so long in the bathroom. She comes back and starts to collect her coat and purse. Trying as hard as you are able, you can't suppress the look of shock and disappointment as it is clear she is leaving.
She leans over and shakes your hand and says "Hey, it was really nice to meet you. You are a very interesting guy. Have a great night." The feeling of disbelief washes over you like a hot acid bath burning away every ounce of confidence you had built up. Seeing her move over to a table with what appears to be a few of her other friends, is like a scalpel cutting deep into your chest. Escape is your only solace and the whole scenario is replayed a hundred times over in your head as you drive home. "What happened? I was on fire, tonight. She was so interested in me. Why did she leave so prematurely?"

This haunting scenario has happened to me so many times. I could never understand why, when i came off as such an interesting person, how women could not want to be with me more? Why did the conversation always take this route?
The answer to this is based in understanding the energy exchange in social interactions. Like in physics, social interaction has basic workings that can be understood in a theoretical sense. One such theory i have on social dynamics that explains these mysterious and bewildering things, is the Equal Interaction Exchange Theory.
The basis of the Equal Interaction Exchange Theory is that all interactions are exchanges of energy. A story, a friendly touch, and even a statement of intent, are all forms of this energy exchange. On a basic level you can see this work very easily. In any conversation both people should speak an equal amount, sharing the conversation as a whole fairly evenly. We have all met those people who just won't shut up, and you can't get in a word edgewise. How does that feel? I know of a particular person that i see frequently who loves to talk and talk and talk yet never asks me what happened in my day. Even on the rare occasion he does, the conversation quickly turns back to him. On the other hand ever had a conversation where the other person is extremely shy and introverted? You have to work so hard just to keep things rolling, it makes you resent them. Neither extreme works because the exchange is unequal. The person who talks too much to you is giving you a lot of energy and is asking for very little back. This causes you to not value what this person is giving you. With the extreme introvert you resent that you have to give them so much and they don't give you anything back. Conversing with these two types of people is tiresome and rarely rewarding. This unequal energy exchange also happens in a much less obvious manner in all of our interactions.
In our scenario at the beginning there was so much interest in your stories and she was obviously very excited to hear about you. So what went wrong? Like most of us we want to be known. I love it when someone i meet sees me as an interesting person. I feel great, and in fact it makes me like them a LOT more.. The problem was that even though you came off as an interesting person, and she even purposely avoided talking about herself because she wanted to listen to you, the interaction was unequal. You were giving her tons of energy but not eliciting an equal exchange of her energy back. Whenever there is an unequal exchange it will always, if left that way, cause an interaction to end instead of escalate. In our Seminars and Bootcamps, we teach you how to instead elicit her to be interesting so that it justifies your interest in her. You then have a much more balanced interaction and one that naturally escalates, and her attraction to you builds exponentially.
This idea of equal interaction exchange explains why buying drinks for a woman doesn't work. Also why asking a lot of questions in a row doesn't work, you have to relate to make the exchange of energy equal. Think about it more and you will find this theory will help explain those odd moments when you just can't figure out why an interaction didn't go well.
The balance of energy in any interaction is critical. By being aware of this balance and controlling it, you are driving the interaction. When an interaction is balanced it escalates and the person who is driving the interaction, (that is you isn't it?) is naturally seen as charismatic. If the interaction is is driven into a romantic intimate direction then it is attraction for you that is built. So be the driver of an interaction. Connect, relate, reward, elicit emotions, make her interesting, and keep that interaction balanced.


Equal Interaction Exchange; Wow, She is Interesting! Part 2

Recently on one of the seminars i taught, a client described an interaction with a woman where he was baffled at what happened. He opened great and she committed to the interaction when he asked an open ended question. In fact she went on to describe a really wonderful experience where she almost cried (in the story) it was so beautiful. He then asked her another question and she again went on to describe with a lot of feelings and emotions another incredible experience. He rewarded both with something like "Thats really cool" (see Chad's Blog Post). He then asked another open ended question. She looks at him and mumbles something and walks away. He was dumbfounded. Isn't this what the goal was, to get her to commit to the interaction by having her tell something about herself? In fact he got a GREAT reaction and a lot to work with. So what was the problem?
The problem can be explained using the Equal Interaction Exchange Theory. He opened giving her a bit of energy. He then elicited a story from her using an open ended question. At this point before she tells the story the energy exchange is equal. After she tells this hugely committed story, he rewards her not commensurate with the story she just told. Not so bad though. At this point the interaction is only semi imbalanced. She goes on with another story when he asks another question. Somewhere inside her I'm sure she feels this imbalance but probably assumes after this story he will share something with her of equal value. After her second story she responds the way she does because of the massively imbalanced energy in the interaction, and him wanting more. She put herself out there, and he was doing nothing but take, take, take, energetically. He wasn't sharing anything about himself and that was creating a really strong imbalance.
There is a theory in dating that if you get a woman to talk about herself enough she will like you. While this can work if done correctly, usually this leads to an imbalanced interaction. Eliciting interaction energy from her is good. Rewarding her is good. This all keeps things balanced. You are part way on making her feel like she is interesting and you are justified in showing interest. The problem is if you don't RELATE and show the same level of commitment to the interaction she is showing, everything will fall apart. Either she will start to feel boring listening to herself talk on and on and become self conscious, or she will get bored with the interaction because she's doing all the work.
Keeping the interaction balanced is the best way to escalate an interaction. Rewarding with kino and emotional statements of appreciation is important. Also relating to the emotions she is giving you with a story or statements of your own with similar emotions, will share that energy back to her and keep that dynamic balanced. In fact if each of you gives just a bit more energy than you receive, then this will amp up the interaction as the energy is exchanged back and forth.

Equal Interaction Exchange: The Juggler Method Part 3

How does being a good conversationalist and an overall social person attract people to you? How does the Juggler Method work if there are no tricks or gimmicks? The fact is that if you are a confident social person people will see you as charismatic. However that may not make you good with women all by itself.

Here is one view seen through the eyes of the Equal Interaction Exchange Theory

A well balanced interaction is something that comes when you have all of the tools and are well practiced in implementing them. In our Seminars and Bootcamps, we teach you these skills and help you on the path to implementing them. Once you start going out on your own and really seeing with much more clarity how positive interactions unfold you will start to see this balance of energy exchange throughout your daily life.

There is a certain magic though that happens when the interaction starts escalating. Your rewarding and relating, kinoing, asking open ended questions and using the vacuum as needed, as well as showing your interest and amping things up with a sexual vibe. Things are "clicking", but what is causing that attraction to you?

There is a natural intrinsic value that a charismatic person displays. This is developed by being in control and leading the interaction. When the energy of an interaction is flowing back and forth equally between two people, it starts to gain intensity like a museum lightning show. The person who is leading that escalation and guiding the interaction is going gain a lot of intrinsic value. It is a rare thing these days to have connections with new people on the level that Charisma Arts teaches.

That escalation when the interaction is balanced is a euphoric, intoxicating feeling, and creates the sense that there are only the two of you and nothing else around you exists. You are eliciting the feelings that make her feel interesting, you are connecting on an emotional level, she senses you are intimately understanding her emotions and she understands yours. This connection is powerful. For you to be the person who can create that with any person you wish is a power few people know, and fewer still have even met someone like that.. It is that natural intrinsic value that is created when you understand charisma in the way that Charisma Arts can show you. Learning to lead, balance, and flow with the interaction and having the tools to do that will allow you to achieve the goals you always dreamed about.

So keep those interactions balanced and see just how exciting it can be to escalate your interactions to the next level.