One of the things we stress over at Charisma Arts is the power of Vibe. This mysterious super power is often misunderstood. Vibe is all of the communication you are sending that has nothing to do with your words and everything to do with bodylanguage, tonality, facial expressions, and a lot more. So how does one learn to put off a good vibe? One word, COMMITMENT.
Vibe is something very difficult to talk about, a lot easier to show, and even better to have adjusted by someone in person. However the number one issue I see with guys is commitment. You have to put yourself on the line and charge the interaction full force of your warmth and openness. There can be no tentativeness in a good vibe. When I see guys get blown out it is mostly because they were only halfway opening. They didn't put themselves fully out there.
Commitment is foreign to most guys as it applies to vibe. Most other schools teach a tentative approach waiting for them to show interest and always be on the verge of leaving. No wonder when guys come in with anything but a masterfully designed routine that they get blown out. The Charisma Arts Method is different. We teach to come in fully who you are with everything you have on the line. We have a saying "Loud people don't scare people, quiet people do." Why? because quiet people are insecure and tentative. Loud people are there and you know it. You have to deal with it.
So what does a commited vibe look like? First the approach is strong and natural. Don't be lurking around them, go straight up to them. Whoever makes eye contact with you first is the person you should introduce yourself to. Lean slightly in (yes i said lean in, its not pecking) face your heart to the person, shake hands with either a hand sandwich or the other hand touching the outside of their arm. Smile as WARM and friendly as you possibly can and say "Hi, My name is __________". Hold their hand until they introduce themself. Say something nice to them and introduce yourself to the rest just like that. If it is a group do the exact thing, but if people are too far away just give a bit of a wave while introducing yourself. Start talking loudly and confidently. Be calibrated coming in with just slightly more energy than the set has.
That is the basics. For groups make sure you introduce yourself to everyone and then just start talking to the people near you.
The more solid and commited you approach the better the set will open.
Don't be cool, be WARM...
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11 comments:
Thanks!
So. You have approached the group and introduced. You can't exactly vacuum everybody and start connecting simultaneously. I see how the warm vibe open is powerful, and done properly will have the group liking you. Do you start connecting specifically with the girl you're interested in after that?
Sure. Connect with a couple people closest to you, then ask a simple question to multiple people. Just be more interested in the answer from the woman you want to talk to. It will make sense to her and the group why you want to talk to her.
Dan, I like how you say,
"It will make sense to her and the group why you want to talk to her."
So many guys I've talked to about this are petrified of the rest of the group to know their interest in which certain girl he likes because he feels it will make the rest of the group feel stupid or just have some kind of secret out in the open.
What people don't understand is anything is possible. As long as you want the group to know your interest but have them still think you're a swell guy, it will happen. Let them know this in your vibe and in your words.
My take, is instead of making it out like others will be mad, be in the MINDSET that others will be happy that their friend has just met an awesome, cute, sexy dude.
But you gotta have that in mind. Commit to it.
You got it exactly! You "disarmed" them just by being cool. They already like you because you approached with warmth and was nice to everyone. Then even your interest in one girl is justified because she answered your question in a way that appealed to you. Of course you would be interested in talking to her.
Here is another trick. SOI her so her group can overhear. Boom, now your sexual interest is even justified to them and they won't be that resistant if she chooses to be more sexual with you.
Dan, how do you deal when somebody is so socially inept that when you try to be friendly that person responds with distrust? Or simply when that person has a nasty attitute (not a presumption), or doesn't give you in her eyes enough value to want to commit to the interaction? Or better yet, how to display initially enough value to prevent this and begin an interaction? It is something I was questioning to myself. Some methods advocate to "high value display" routines, C&F, etc. to create attraction and then rapport. I'm curious because if that person is not attracted initially to you, you can't go further...
regards
This is overcome in two places. Vibe will prevent this if you are committed and warm. If there is this regardless it is how you respond to it that will determine the rest of the interaction. You just have to not let it phase you at all. If you are comfortable then they will be as well. Hard to explain easy to see in action.
Luckily women are rarely socially inept. A joke or a good opener (focus, flopsy, or presumption) will melt most people.
Honestly if i am commited and put myself out there in a friendly warm way I rarely recieve a bad reaction. If I am hesitant and look for their approval when approaching then i often get that response.
That was another awesome post, Dan!
I believe that the idea of commitment can be applied with great results to everything we do.
You can't be committed only when you address the girls, and be uncommitted with anything else in your life.
Before you open girls in a committed fashion, you have to get first into a habit of performing your acts (in life, in general) with commitment.
When girls see that there is intention and willpower behind your acts, they are attracted.
So it's not just the "Hi" that need to be committed. But also the left step, and the right step etc. that you take to walk up to her. The way you look at her, before open your mouth.
The funny thing is, men too seem fascinated with such behavior.
Larry
I just read most of your blog and you seem to be a great guy.
Something struck me when I read how many times you could've had sex with some girls and didn't do it because you had to tell them you're dating other girls. Are you sure your aren't rationalizing what's in fact a sticking point?
But then again, you may be a guy who doesn't like casual sex. Then go ahead and have fun just making out.
BTW, love the shirt design.
LOL, it does seem that way even to me at times. But it has been true in the past. Now i understand giving the "talk" a bit better and it isn't much of a problem anymore.
The big difference is i live in a small town, everyone knows everyone. So I am pretty careful, sometimes too careful, about not burning bridges.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hello Dan,
I just wanted to thank you again for this blog. It just keeps getter and better. You really make things easy to understand and apply.
When is your book coming out? I would definitely be interested in buying it :)
"Put this plate on top of the stack..COMMIT TO IT"
It's even improved my work performance. I used to drop and spill shit all the time, no more! :)
I had a commitment problem.
Hope you'll be working Ann Arbor July 28.
Cheers.
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