Genuine Interest

There I was watching this client talk to an old woman like he was talking to a piece of furniture. All the techniques were being done but you could tell he was not interested in talking to her. Over and over I hear, I stopped talking to her because i just wasn't attracted to her. This is a wall that will kill your practice and prevent you from becoming a charismatic person. If you can't have a fun interesting conversation with anyone you meet, and be genuinely interested in them as a person, then no way in hell are you going to be able to do it when you talk to a really beautiful woman. She will sense your insincere interest immediately.

So the topic of this blog is how to cultivate sincere genuine interest in another person or people in general. I'll first start a story as to how I found out how to be genuinely interested in people.

Approaching quickly was an old blue faded sedan. I stuck my thumb out and slowed my backward walking pace just a touch. I summoned up the kindest smile i could manage and briefly brushed a leaf off of my special white shirt i kept clean just for this moment. I look the driver in the eye and they both crane their necks to check me out. At this moment was where my judgements started. It is natural in fact to be judging the very person who is about to judge you. Thats how hitchhiking has to work. The car slows in front of me as i lightly jog up to the car. A young hippie couple roll down the window and open the back door. We make our greetings as I am shocked to see a goat in the back seat. I look quizzically for a moment at the driver. He says to jump in and just move the goat over. I did not know what i was in for.

Riding with this couple was a true test of my self held idea that i was non-judgemental. I find out that this goat was the result of a barter. One bag of weed apparently will get you a goat in god knows what hippie town they came from. The radio was blurting out songs and comedy about marijuana and not 5 minutes goes by and they ask me if i want to smoke up with them. I am not really bothered by it so I tell them to go ahead without me. I sit there wondering how i can have a conversation with these people about anything that remotely interests me. They are just too different.

We stop at the nearest Rite-Aid to return something so they can have money for gas in their car. I definetly understood being broke traveling on the road for the last 4 months. However these were people nothing like me and i wanted to be nothing like them. I judged them so strongly and was looking forward to when they left me off on the road to Yuba City.

As we approached the exit off the highway they informed me that this exit sucked and they were going to drive me up an exit or two in my direction. The pull off the interstate onto the smaller highway leading up to Tahoe and Reno. They drive by the first exit without even slowing. I told them that any exit will really be fine. They then offer to drive me to Reno. I was shocked. Here was a couple heading south yet they were willing to drive me all the way to Reno, 2 hours out of their way and 2 hours back. Not forgetting in the least they barely had enough money to fill their tank themselves. I refused persistantly, almost as persistantly as they tried to persuade me to let them take me farther. Finally after about 5 miles they let me off at my extreme insistance that this exit would do fine. They help me out, share some food with me, and wave energetically as they drove back.

All I was left with was a sense of how large and open their hearts were to other people. I realized it was at that moment i full appreciated them and was genuinely interested in them because of the beautiful people they were.

Step 1: Identify your Preonceptions

What really makes us not want to get to know someone is our judgements of them. The moment we judge someone in the slightest way we erect a wall between us. That wall becomes very hard to have an interesting conversation through.

So first think about and actually identify what your preconceptions are of the person you are about to talk to. It is far easier to find out something interesting about someone when you are clear about what you think you know about them. You can then ask them questions that challenge that preconception instead of subconciously allowing that preconception shape the questions you ask. Eventually you will learn to not judge people because so often your preconceptions will be wrong.

Losing the preconceptions about people is the first challenge to overcome on the path to cultivating Genuine Interest.

Step 2: Ask questions that are interesting to you!

If you just assume that a person has different interests than you you will naturally not even ask about certain things. Sit down and write down 5 topics you are interested in talking about. Then create an open ended question that leads into each topic. This will get you talking about interesting things to you.

Remember though when you talk about anything make sure it is yours and her experiences and feelings about the topic. Ask the two major questions that will help you relate to anyone:

"How does that make you FEEL?"

"What was that LIKE?"

Then really be aware of the emotions that person is telling you about.

Step 3: Relate Emotionally

By relating emotionally that person could be talking about pedicures, and by you relating to the emotions of being pampered the conversation will all of a sudden become more interesting. Understanding how someone feels creates a connection. you may not be able to relate to having a pedicure however you can relate to many, most, if not all, of the emotions that they have surrounding that.

We all have different interests, thoughts, and opinions. However most of us have very simmilar emotions. Finding out how someone FEELS about something is going to much more interesting then what they THINK about something.

We all relate on simmilar interests because of the emotions that those interests invoke in us. Cut to the chase and go after the emotions. It will be a lot easier to get into a genuinely interesting conversation.


Genuine interest is the key to being a charismatic person. Take each interaction that surprises you as a door that leads you deeper and deeper into having genuine interest in every person you meet. That Genuine Interest in others along with the confidence to be yourself will have people flocking to be around you.