I was a carhartt and t-shirt kinda guy for a long time. I ventured into learning to be stylish and understand fashion around the time i got into "the game". I took it on faith that what Wayne said in his book about women noticing fashion was important. I couldn't have ever imagined myself spending more than $60 on a pair of jeans, and god forbid ever worrying about matching colors in my outfits.
I saw first hand this weekend how helpful style can be. We had a client who did a style consultation with Christian from Charisma Arts. I tagged along. I did help pick out some clothes for the client along with Christian. The change was really good. He consistantly had women compliment him on his style and individual articles of clothing. In other words it greased the wheels for him. That client worked hard and had some of the best sucess he had ever had.
While I don't think style is going to fix your sticking points, what it does do is create a favorable impression very quickly to women and even other guys. It makes a statement about you saying you are a confident guy that understands details. Women LOVE details, whether it be in a story or clothing or ambiance of a room. They think about it and notice when you show you have thought about it. Women spend so much time on what we think is such trivial little details, that they have an eye for detail.
While some of our best instructors can get away with t-shirt and jeans, if you want to make things easier on yourself try adding some style to your appearence. Here are some thoughts on fashion and style.
Fit
Most guys don't know how to buy clothes that fit them properly. We usually go far too baggy. Sorry guys, it's not fooling anyone. That gut your trying to hide, or the skinny biceps, it is obvious you are trying to hide that. Buy clothes that fit you well. Ask a store clerk for help, especially a hot one. The seam on your shirt near your shoulders should be at your shoulder, not below it. That seam should be an inch either way of the bone at the top of your shoulder. Most guys wear one or two sizes too big. As for pants, unless your going for the "Gangsta" look (which doesn't really suit anyone) keep your pants pulled up and sized to fit correctly, not baggy.
Color
Resist the urge to buy black. I know, it is very simple to match with. However it usually makes you look intimidating. Don't be afraid of color. Red and Purple are two colors that will guarantee you to be noticed. Most guys don't wear these colors yet they look great on guys. Be sure to match your shoes to your belt. Avoid a lot of black when wearing brown shoes.
Details
Women notice details as I said. Always be on the lookout for interesting details in clothes. A cool lining on the inside of the collar or cuff, an little woven pattern in the material of the shirt, a seam that is distinctly differnt, buttons in odd locations, just about anything that is different will stand out even if it is small.
Jeans & Shoes
The shirt is a given, but women always notice the jeans and shoes. Shoes especially. Your shoes should be well taken care of and try to avoid conservative looking shoes. If you asked women what article of clothing says the most about a man, i would bet 80% of women would say shoes. They notice how well kept they are and if they look distinctive. ALDO is one of my favorite shoe stores because they are reasonable but look like $200+ shoes.
Women spend hours trying on different designer jeans to see which one makes their butt look the best. They notice when you have a nice pair of jeans on. This is where I don't skimp. Get some nice designer jeans. You can often find deals on ebay if your not picky. I love Diesel & True Religion. Chip & Pepper, Lucky, Antik Denim, Citizen for all Humanity, Seven for all Mankind, and many others are all good brands. I look for jeans with distinct washes. Why buy $150+ jeans that look like levis. That is why i don't like AG jeans, too plain, hella comfortable though. Seriously, spend the money here. I personally avoid holes or reinforce them from the inside with iron on patches. But holes are in, i just don't know for how long. Nice distressing though is very cool.
Suit Coat
Get a cool suit coat. You can often find different ones at a thrift store for cheap. Nothing adds flexibility to your wardrobe like a suit coat. Wear it with the collar flipped or down. Put a track jacket or a hoodie under it. Tshirt or Collared shirt. it all works. Lately the trend is somewhat military style coats crossed with a suit coat. The fit should be slightly tight with the sleeves down to the bend in your wrist with your arms down, not longer. Also they should be shorter then your probably used to wearing a suit coat. It should be just slightly hard to put it on because of its slimmer fit. However your gut should not stick out of it. Look for cool linings and material inside or behind the collar.
Customizing
The Tailor is your best friend. You will learn to love him. Ask his advice on clothes and how to make them fit better. I have changed linings and cuffs to a lot of my coats, shirts, and pants. If you have an artistic friend have them draw all over a suit coat or a pair of jeans. Try having the front pockets of a wild colored shirt swapped onto a boring white shirt. Play around with having a stripe of color replace a seam somewhere. Be inventive and you will always have a conversation starter.
If you really don't know where to start try reading GQ and Details and see what you like. Also try shopping online to see what people are selling and what is in. Don't be afraid to experiment. Sometimes i bought something only as an experiment and it completely changed the way i thought about how i looked at fashion. Push yourself to wear something you might not necessarily wear! Get LOTS of female advice. Hell if you want to run an opinon opener, try wearing an experimental outfit out one night.
Have fun with these tips and experiment. Push your comfort level with style, women will notice.
12 comments:
if you are going to go for some new fashion, which i highly recommend, make sure you 'feel yourself' wearing it. sometimes ill go out all decked out in nice clothes and my game will turn shitty. its because im too enthralled in what im wearing i can't think straight. it sounds stupid, but what you are wearing may very well affect how you think of yourself, that can be good or bad.
when i say you must 'feel yourself' in the clothes that you buy, that doesnt mean you should buy clothes that fit your ethnicity or your personality, by all means, have fun dressing up like a lawyer if you are a carpenter. just make sure you still know who you are while wearing it.
and the way you must do this is, don't take the clothes you are wearing too seriously. you can feel like a million bucks in something, but dont think you are the SHIT now that you are wearing it. think of your clothes as more of a costume rather than something that people are judging you by.
by the way, i am not kidding, i dreamt last night that there was a new post entitled "Gear," and it had to do with clothing. i think that is just crazy. wowee.
Interesting... I guess I have not been too careful in this aspect, so I need to begin to work on this... :)
Dan, by the way, I have one question... I'm practicing conversation, trying to apply the concept of connecting and relating, but in this moment I am doing mostly statements, like little fun stories I do on the fly basically to have an entertaining and light conversation, not rapport really as you have descripted or as I understand... Juggler in some posts wrote about doing statements, although not necesarily finding an emotional connection... What's your take on this? Are you *always* finding a way to connect emotionally or do you do also statements with no further purpose as to show your personality? Some times I find difficult to try to relate emotionally all the time, maybe because this is new to me and my first background is a kind of C&F stuff (which sometimes backfired badly on me)... but I'm curious to know how do you keep the convo for extended periods of time. Maybe my question is lame but is the kind of questions I'm having when I'm in the field...
regards
My tips on style :
Avoid squared shirts and stripes at all costs.
Go for designs you've never seen before.
Don't try not to look gay, just avoid stretch leather pants.
Take your time when shopping, look around in many stores.
Don't shop for clothes only at Wall Mart, Zellers, Sears, The Bay or other large surfaces.
Don't trust the sellers.
Don't ask opinions. Be the only judge.
Don't feel obligated to buy anything. If it doesn't feel good enough, it isn't.
Your question really covers a lot of stuff. Go down a bit and read the Equal Interaction Exchange post. This might be one issue to think about.
Also use your statments to relate to whatever emotion you get from them.
You have to get rid of the idea of 90/10 rule. Wayne and CA has long since abandoned it.
Keeping a conversation going long time is a blend of a lot of things. The way i do it is a mix of things depending on what is called for. The cycle of:
Open ended Question
Reward
Relate
Is really key though.. But sometimes i am escalating, sometimes doing push pull, sexual barriers, and a lot more. Having fun banter is also important. There is no linear progression to this, you just have to find what works for you. Playing with these tools will get you there.
Good comment CB.
I do have a couple shirts with vertical stripes though.
I also love opinions. I don't always trust the seller, but i like their opinions. I always go try a bunch of stuff on, find what looks good and what others think looks good, then i go home and don't buy a thing. Then i go back the next day and get the stuff i really liked and still liked after sleeping on it for a night.
I notice you have a voice recording machine linked. I presume you recommend it having used it? Where did you put it, in your pocket? How well did it work out, was it audible? I presume in loud enviromnents, really it would need to be pretty close to my mouth?
I like that recorder. I buy a lapell mic and clip it on the inside of my buttondown shirt. It works great even in a loud environment.
Dan, speaking of push/pull, would you do a post on that whenever you get a chance? i hear about it all the time, and have a basic idea about it, but i dont think it's been covered in a CA perspective yet, unless it's just another name for something else.
Great blog.. it's really true that women have an eye for detail. I'm actually a woman myself and I've noticed that women give me more compliments on how I look than guys ever do.. To all the guys reading this, DEFINATELY take the time to put effort into your "style" because even the tiniest detail can make a world of difference.
-SaoSun
SaoSun, great to have a woman's perspective on the blog! Anything you would like to add or comment on is always appreciated.
Thanks for reading!
Great web site for up-to-the-minute fashion is
http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/
This guy has really sophisticated and discerning taste.
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