Text flirting

I have to admit it; I am a texting addict. Recently I forgot to take my phone out of my pocket and I put it in the washing machine. With a magic trick using 95% alcohol I revived my phone, however the “3” button containing the letters “d,e & f” , is somewhat inoperable. I am going through text withdrawal like a true addict. One year left in my contract and a five-hour drive to activate a new phone has made me have to cope. The thing I miss most though is text flirting.

Due to being on the road a lot over the last year I have to admit many times I would meet a wonderful woman and not be able to see her in person for sometimes months. I am a phone guy, with my all time record being nine hours on the phone with a girl. Ok that is fairly pathetic, I admit; however if I didn’t like talking I obviously wouldn’t be doing what I do. When I am on the phone, my conversation usually lasts a fair bit. I often don’t have time to talk on the phone and that is where texting comes in.

Rule #1 Don’t use sarcasm, and if you tease be sure you pull them back in or let them know you are teasing.

I start my texting off with a fun playful vibe and use light innuendo.

Me: How was your night? Mine was fun, though I am just glad I didn’t end up naked in jail.

Her: Good, although your night sounds more fun!

Me: Sure, figures the thought of me naked behind bars is your idea of fun.

Her: Hmm now that does sound fun.

Me: Well, ok, but I insist we make copies of the key. You would probably abuse that situation way too much!

Her: That’s no fun. What, you don’t trust me?

Me: Hell no, not when it comes to my nakedness. I’m just not the kind of guy that likes to be taken advantage of. Ok, actually I really am.

Rule #2 It is ok to be very sexual over text, as long as you don’t make her to commit to it in real life or make her think that is all you want.

Me: You were pretty hot last night. Those sexy legs kept distracting me from just how interesting you really are. What are you up to right now?

Her: I am at work

Me: Really and are your co-workers able to appreciate just how sexy your legs are?

Her: Well actually I am wearing a skirt. My legs are crossed and I am trying to not get too turned on by all this flirting.

Me: Ya that would be awful if I told you what I would want to do to you in that skirt on your desk.

Her: You might just get these sexy legs of mine wrapped around you. OMG did I just say that?

Me: And all I can think about is looking down at you while your legs are on my shoulders while I am having sex with you on your desk.

Her: OMG I am so turned on right now, not fair!! I’m at work!


The anonymity of texting is a girl’s best friend. They will often be far more sexual in text than in real life. Women can get downright dirty in text. The key is finding that moment when she is making an innuendo and being a bit more forward. That is your cue to take the ball and run with it.

Rule #3 Make major escalations in text flirting right after she flirts back.

I look at text flirting like fishing a bit. I cast the bait by saying slightly flirtatious statements and wait for her to bite. When she does, then I take it to the next level. If she doesn’t bite, the statements are kept innocent. Each time she takes my bait I notch it up a level.

Rule #4 Never apologize if she brings up how sexual you are.

If she comments about you being sexual (but does not ask you to stop), admit that is the way you are and don’t be apologetic. What will get you in trouble is if you are being sexual and asking her to agree to be sexual with you. For example:

“I totally want to touch you in inappropriate places, where would you like me to touch you?”

If you are mis-calibrated with this statement it will feel like you are coming on too strong. Instead try something like this:

“I totally want to touch you in inappropriate places, but I can’t tell you that; especially since that is really hard to do over text. So how is work going today?

Both take some calibration to use correctly but the latter asks for no commitment to being sexual or returning that. The thing that makes you come off creepy, and way too overtly sexual, is showing neediness and being approval seeking when flirting.

To learn more about texting and how not to come off inappropriate, needy, or creepy, check out the companion podcast Texting Women also as a special bonus, Kory’s Patented technique for making a conversation sexual.

Phone Game, Part I

I realized yesterday as we finished up another successful workshop, that no where has there ever been a published piece on the current complete Charisma Arts phone game method. So here is to remedy this. If you are having flaking problem, this WILL reduce your flakes.

Getting the Number

Remember never to ask, make a statement. “Hey, I’ve had a really nice time talking with you, here’s my phone. Put your number in.”

Then the most important part is to call her immediately and get her to put your name in her phone. “Here now I’ll call you so you have my number, my name is spelled D-A-N.”

Texting That Night

So here is another tip. Text her that you enjoyed talking with her about ______, and you will call her at a specific time and date a day or two from then; text this after you get home or the next morning. Almost without fail you will get a text back from her before that time. Call her immediately, she will probably answer right there. If not continue on to phone game.

Four Calls to Flake

First call early evening, “Hey Susan, it’s Dan. I really enjoyed meeting you on Friday and talking about [whatever you talked about with her], I’ll try you back at 9:30pm [or any time later that night].

Second call (not at 9:30 to the second, give or take 5 min), “Hey Susan, it’s Dan. I guess I missed you tonight; I’ll try you later in the week. Talk to you then.”

Third call about two days later, “Hey Susan, it’s Dan. Just wanted to give a quick call and see what you are up to. I’ll try you back tonight at 9:00. Catch you then.”

Fourth and final call, “Hey Susan, it’s Dan. Well it looks like I keep missing you. If you ever want to hang out some time give me a call [with a tone of finality], my number is 555-555-55555. Maybe I’ll see you around.”


So there it is, the first part of phone game. Next installment is what to do when she answers.