FR: Meeting Me (A Female Perspective)

So here is something i have yet to see in the community. I asked my ex-girlfriend to write a field report about meeting me and what her thoughts, feelings, and impressions were. I was quite impressed with the end product, and I think it gives a very different perspective than most of the field reports out there written by a guy. The interesting thing is in the three plus months we were together she learned quite a bit about what i do and the various methods i teach, in fact, much more than i realized until I read the way she wrote this report. So enjoy!

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How I met Dan

It was 2 am and the bars were closed. My girlfriend and I were standing outside talking to some people we had just met and she looks across the street and sees Judson, this guy who she had met and connected really well with earlier in the evening. She calls his name and he comes over running in slow motion with his arms wide open preparing to embrace her like in those cheesy romantic movies. After they embrace he asked us what we were up to, then his friend comes walking up to us slowly and he introduces us to him. With a friendly smile his friend puts out his hand and says "Hi, I’m Dan.". When he shook my hand he sandwiched it with his other hand. It caught my attention because it was different, than most people’s single-handed handshake. The combination of his smile, unique handshake, and how he leaned into me slightly, gave me a good vibe. I didn’t think much about him at that point. He’s tall, with a good build, a nice looking face, big eyes and he was very well dressed. At this time I had just got out of a 6 year relationship 9 months before and I wasn’t looking for a date or a relationship. I didn’t have an agenda.

We all stood around trying to figure out what we were going to do while having light surface conversation and banter. My girlfriend commented on Dan’s expensive designer jeans and he then bent over to show us and my girlfriend playfully smacked his butt. We all laughed then somehow Dan and I started talking about He-Man and Skeletor and all the other characters in the cartoon. It was silly. It was late and seeing that we were having fun we didn’t want it to end so we decided to go to an after hours club.

We piled into my girlfriend’s car and decided to make a pit stop for doughnuts. We got to the 24-hour doughnut shop and three of us got a doughnut except for Dan. He can’t have sugar, or at least not a lot. He explained to me why and I tried to tempt him to take a bite and he refused. I was a little surprised. When I’ve tried tempting guys to do things they’re against they’ll usually fold and do it so they seem cool, easy going and think it’ll get me to like them. But because Dan refused it gave me a sense that he really values himself and has his priorities set straight and won’t compromise much to make others like him. I really respected that. But he did flirt a little by saying he would lick the sugar off my fingers and it took away the shock of his initial refusal and kind of pulled me back in.

Back into the car we continue our journey. We parked the car and walked to the club. On the way I took out a cigarette; Dan asked if he could bum one and of course I let him. It was my second to last one, and normally I don’t like to give out my cigarettes when it leaves me with one left, but I did to Dan. Maybe it was a subconscious sign that I liked him. We get in line and while we’re waiting he comments on my turquoise earrings and said "I really like your earrings. I like the turquoise. They reflect your personality well." I said "Thanks." and my girlfriend told him that was a cheesy line. We laughed and I felt kinda bad because he was being nice and I had made those earrings myself so it was a nice compliment. When we got closer to the door there was a trash can near it and Dan opened up the cigarette box and dumped out his cigarette butt into his hand. He said he didn’t like to throw cigarette butts on the street and stressed that it’s his own morals, and he doesn’t impose that on anyone else. While it made me feel a little bad because I had thrown mine on the street and I was a little embarrassed that I did something he didn’t approve of. At the same time it made me realize that this guy is respectful, he does care about the environment and has a nature-loving side to him. He’s a little earthy. At one point he did say he was a hippie incognito. That cracked me up.

When we finally get to the front door we had to pay the $15 dollar cover charge and show our I.D.s. Right before walking into the club I asked Dan if he could hold my I.D., cash and cigarettes in his pocket. He said "I’m not going to hold everything for you." Again, I was surprised like in the doughnut situation. I’m used to of having guys being willing to do things for me where I expected Dan would hold my things for me. So when he said he wouldn’t hold everything it caught me off guard. It was a little asshole-ish, but it showed me he was nice but he wasn’t going to let someone walk all over him. It also pushed me away a little but at the same time it gave me a challenge. Even though I didn’t know him and wasn’t interested in him it still made me want him to like me. He did end up holding all my things because I didn’t have any pockets.

As soon as we walked in we went straight to the dance floor and danced to old 80's classics under colorful lights. After a little while of dancing we all decided to take a break and cool off. We chatted for a bit then my girlfriend and Judson decided to take off to be alone. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a pool table and asked Dan if he played. He did so we headed over to the pool table. There were other people in line ahead of us so we went outside and shared my last cigarette while we waited.

Our conversation started off with us talking about his clothes. He’s a very sharp dresser and appreciates quality clothes. Style is important to me being in the fashion industry and especially when I see that a guy has great style it’s definitely a turn on. He scored major points there. Soon after he asked me what I was passionate about. I told him music and he put the vacuum on me. I’ll never forget that. He had this intense stare after I said the word "music". He didn’t take his eyes off me and there was this uncomfortable silence. Immediately I felt my answer wasn’t good enough and that I had to elaborate. So I told him how it made me feel and why music was important to me. By him vacuuming me, I felt like I had to talk more and that he expected a good answer, not just a one word answer and that he was worth a good answer. Even though it did make me uncomfortable it also made me feel he was listening and that he cared about what I had to say. So I elaborated and the conversation continued. Then he asked me what I did for a living. I told him I’m a jewelry designer and he asked me what’s it like to design jewelry. I briefly explained to him the creative process and he SOI’d me by saying "I think that’s really sexy how creative you are." I was surprised. I’ve never had anyone tell me that me being creative was sexy. Right then I knew he was a little interested in me. It made me think a bit about our interaction differently and where this was going to lead. It didn’t make me uncomfortable, it was a subtle way of expressing that he’s attracted to me without being sleazy.

I asked him what he did for a living and he told me. I didn’t understand at first but then he explained and we got into a conversation about it. I told him I found it really interesting and that it must be amazing to do what he’s doing and he kept disqualifying, [saying something like "Thanks, but really sometimes I can barely talk to the lady who sells me stamps in the morning."] which made him seem real and that he wasn’t trying to be perfect. Soon after our turn was up for the table. We played a quick game he beat me and commented on how well I played. Usually I win, he got lucky that night. Then we went back to the bench we were sitting on earlier. Wet sat for a while and watched the interesting crowd on the dance floor.

While we sat and people watched there was a moment of silence between us and Dan put his soft hand on my leg. I wasn’t sure if I was uncomfortable with it, but not enough to make me tell him to move it. I was a little nervous but at the same time I felt good about him. Then next thing I know I feel his finger on my chin turning my head towards him. He kissed me passionately, our lips locked and our tongues danced, it was amazing. There was no way I couldn’t kiss him back, he was that good. When we finished there was a huge grin on my face.



After sitting in silence grinning for a bit, I mention that I still wanted to dance but I wasn’t going to go alone. Then Dan grab’s my hand and leads me to the dance floor. I thought that was very sweet and cute how he did that. The music had changed to a weird electronic techno and Dan was being silly, he was making me laugh. That’s so important to me and it tells me he’s comfortable in his own skin to be goofy that way. I don’t like it when guys try to be cool all the time. It makes me want to say "Give me a break." The music was weird so we stopped and walked over to my girlfriend and Judson who finally reappeared out of nowhere. I went to the bar to get some water and because the music was so loud the bartender couldn’t hear me so I had to bend over and lean in a little to talk to him. I was wearing a micro-mini skirt that night and my friend said that she could see up my skirt when I bent over and Dan was flirting by saying "Darn, I missed it." A little later he escalated and told me I had sexy legs. By this time I had a good idea he was sexually attracted to me. I was still a little shy, a bit reserved and I still wasn’t thinking of being intimate with him even though we had kissed. I had my guard up and wasn’t really interested in any kind of relationship whether it was intimate or casual.

I wanted to have a cigarette but I was out. Some people were smoking on the outside patio and I told Dan to go ask them for a cigarette since he’s the social coach and plus I was a bit shy to ask. He was confident and went right up to some people and came back with a cigarette. He was my hero. He lead us to these two chairs and placed them right next to each other and suggested we sit down. We chat some more about his job. I was still trying to understand what he did, I thought I understood it but I couldn’t believe it. He continues to explain while disqualifying at the same time. We kissed some more, as he caressed my legs my heart was pounding. I couldn’t believe I was doing this with someone I just met that night. But Dan made me feel comfortable and important by showing genuine interest in me.

Soon after Judson and my girlfriend showed up saying that they wanted to leave. By this time it was 6:00 am and I didn’t feel tired at all. I was having such a good time I didn’t realize how late it was. So off to the car we went to take the boys back to their hotel. In the car Dan and I exchanged phone numbers. I didn’t think he was going to call, not because he seemed flaky but because I wasn’t looking for anything I didn’t commit to him. We arrive at their hotel, exchanged hugs and said good night. When I first met Dan I didn’t think much of him, but when he left he got me thinking about him. It was the first time in almost a year that I was interested in a quality guy.

The following afternoon he called me and asked if I wanted to meet for a beer before his flight took off. I agreed and we met an hour later. It was funny, when I arrived at the hotel I was waiting in my car for a long time and he finally called and asked where I was. I told him I was at the hotel waiting in my car and it turned out we were on opposite ends of the hotel waiting for each other. He found me and greeted me with a huge smile and hug. We drove to the W Hotel and had a drink there. It was nice to see him in the daytime. He looked really cute and stylish. I was nervous and giddy inside but he made me comfortable and got me to laugh. Our conversation didn’t feel forced or dry, it was perfect. We both asked questions and answered questions, he disqualified plenty. It was a balanced exchange. He flirted with me lightly and mentioned how shy and reserved I was the night before. That immediately made me feel I had to prove him wrong and show that I wasn’t this shy and reserved girl he thought I was. I got a little defensive and flirtatious and said I wasn’t and that I do have a wild side and I’m not the kind of girl he thinks I am. Then he challenged me and said that I would have to show him that side the next time we see each other. That got me more interested in him and made me want to see him again for another date.


We only met for about an hour and it was time to go. The bill came and I insisted on paying. I don’t like it when guys pay for my drinks or dinner on the first date. I don’t want to feel like I owe them something. Even if it’s with someone like Dan. I offered him a ride to the airport and when we arrived we hugged goodbye and kissed. He started to walk away and I had to pull him back in for another one. He made me feel wonderful, appreciated and beautiful that I didn’t want to say goodbye. I was definitely looking forward to the next time we could meet. All the flirty texts and calls I received in the meantime, made me wonder what our next meeting would be like. I was not disappointed, it turned out to be quite a spicy night the next time I saw him. The rest is history.