Two knights come together outside the feudal lords residence, their arms sore from hours of violent warfare. The weight of their sheathed swords a pleasant burden compared to weighting down their tired arms. One knight extends his weary hand to the other knight. The other night looks cautiously and then offers his hand in return, each weaponless and a gesture of vulnerability to each other. Entering together they approach the feudal lord and fall to one knee while bowing. They feel the cool air upon the backs of their necks as their helmets un-sheath their vulnerable necks while bowing.
In a time of warfare when no one could be trusted how did people back then know who was friend and who was foe? It was in their greetings that show their respect and cordial attitude to each other. The handshake to another warrior showed they held no weapon and were showing vulnerability to the other if they should choose to attack. To bow was the ultimate show of respect and also the ultimate act of vulnerability. Offering your head and neck to another while also pointing your eyes to the floor to be completely unaware if the other person chose to attack. The salute in our military today stems back from lifting the face shield of a helmet. These greetings are still around today because they serve a purpose. They show a vulnerability of a person to a stranger. It speaks volumes of historical relations and subtle communication that has followed us from before written history. It is that moment when I reach out offering my hand to someone with a sight lean in, that I show I am vulnerable and have chosen to connect with them in a meaningful way.
It is so important to retain that idea when you are meeting new people. I approach with full commitment facing my heart to someone, my shoulders squared to them, I lean at the waist keeping my back and neck straight. When I grasp their hand I touch them on their arm or allow their hand to be sandwiched in by my other hand in a firm but gentle grip. All is done with a smile and creates the warm vibe that is so important when approaching a stranger. I am offering myself head on, weaponless hand and the slightest hint of a bow, facing my vulnerable organs to someone with a look of friendliness. If they were to pull a weapon on me or attack me I would be in the worst position to defend myself. In modern times as in feudal times, an approach like this even to ones enemies, cannot be ignored. I am 100% fully committed and allowing myself to be vulnerable.
That is what a greeting is. You cannot hide yourself and your vulnerabilities, if you want someone to greet you in the same way. I put myself out there every time I meet a new person. I am unafraid to show my vulnerabilities and who I am. I do this in thought, word, and action. I am approval giving (not approval seeking) in thought. I am open, and share who I am with details, emotions, and my words are in the I perspective, when I speak. However the first statement I make about myself is in my greeting and how my body projects confidence by greeting with commitment and vulnerability.
Approach each stranger putting yourself on the line, if you don’t take the risk to be vulnerable while greeting them, they won’t feel comfortable enough to warmly accept your greeting and share part of themselves with you.
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3 comments:
Interesting thoughts about those gut-feelings that go together with handshakes and bowing. I'm not entirely sure that handshakes entail a basic feeling of vulnerability; I mean, how about BadBoy's so-called "AMOG handshake" where you end up pushing the other guy away with your elbow? However, one thing is certain: I feel it in my guts when I'm in a physically vulnerable position, when I can be easily slapped around, punched in my stomach or hit on the head. Still, in an era when you're not likely to be slapped around by a grownup stranger, do those bodily gestures still have the same gut-meaning?
Regarding an AMOG handshake why would you ever want to do that to a guy? Being nice to him works, why would you want to hit him with your elbow?
The idea is greetings from the beginning of time are acts of showing you are safe to a person. How do you show that you are safe? You show that you are vulnerable. Greetings no longer mean the same thing they did back then however their non-verbal communication of vulnerability shows you are safe. That is still relevant today.
Greeting like this does not apply if you are running indirect game or trying to AMOG someone. However if you greet someone like this you also don't have to come up with some fancy opener or act like you are about to walk away any second just to get them to talk to you.
I was referring to the so-called "AMOG handshake" just as a physical exercise, to illustrate that a handshake position is a physically-vulnerable one -- that instead of continuing the handshake, the dude could hit you with his elbow, or stab you, or whatever :) so the fact that he didn't means something.
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