Interesting thing in England, it was the first time I have heard a girl say, “Fuck off” to a guy. English women are no harder to talk to but they are a bit more upfront about blowing you off. In turn I spent a little bit more time with the English guys teaching them how to deal with responses.
The important thing is not to worry about what to say but instead, understand that she is not saying that because of you. She is responding to her past experiences that went badly and projecting that upon you. She doesn’t know you well enough to have any well-formed opinions, so learn to not take anything she says negative personally.
So the first step to dealing with bad responses is to not get defensive or let is rattle you. The more calm and collected you can be the better. From there I personally use three different techniques.
Agree
If she calls you a “wanker” agree with her. “Damn girl you pegged me right! I like that, you are the first to call me out on being the biggest wanker in this bar. By the way what exactly is a wanker? I’m from the states I don’t quite know these things. Never mind, from now on that is what I am, but I actually never got your name...”
Appreciate
Appreciate what character traits you like in her when she says something negative. “Wow, I love how you can be so forward and blunt! I really don’t know many people who just tell it like it is. I’m impressed!
Call them out
This can be done very poorly if you are defensive or approval seeking in anyway. If you call a girl out on being rude, but do it in a way that shows you are affected by it, things won’t go well. This one can be tough so I usually do the other ones, however when someone is being un-necessarily rude, this can work wonders. “Hmm, that was quite rude. I’m going to turn around and try that again and this time try giving me your name, it is much more polite. [I rewind and turn around in a circle] Hi, I’m Dan...”
The most important thing is to really not care what they think about you. Know that nothing is personal against you. Respond in a calm non-affected way. Try not to get defensive or shirk away from it. Embrace it, they are giving you a lot of emotion to work with and relate to.
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4 comments:
I had one of those "aha" moments the first time I heard you mention that in a bootcamp, "She is responding to her past experiences that went badly and projecting that upon you." My whole thought process changed because I used to take it very personal. Pure gold. Good to have you back Dan...
my default to "fuck off!"
Hahahaah. (I laugh really hard)
"I love it. You are awesome! Let's do that again!!!"
kinda Improv in it's approach, but hey, improv has been known to get a few laughs.
Hey Dan, were ever able to turn an interaction where a girl told you to "go away" or "fuck off" into something that led to phone number exchanges and dates?
I wish i did have some amazing success story for ya. I actually have to admit i've never gotten "fuck off". A warm committed vibe melts most people. Most of the time if i get a "go away" i know what i did wrong. Hey none of us are perfect.
As a last thought I don't know that i'd want the number of anyone so rude to strangers, no matter how hot she is. However i'd definitly be interested in what made her that way and i'd love to have a conversation with her. Hell she might prove me wrong and I would like her. Just hasn't happened yet.
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