Being Genuine

I was so afraid to show who I was when I was growing up. As an only child I got attention when I acted mature and more like an adult, I was almost afraid to have fun and be a kid. As I grew older I spent so much time thinking how I could be like the cool kids so people would like me. I look back at those days and cringe. I guess we all go through that but I wished I had known some of the things I do today.

I do remember one time at camp when I forgot to be self conscious and I spent an entire camp dance having fun running around like an idiot and dancing up a storm. That next day I was informed of all the girls who had crushes on me after that. I wished I had put it together that when I am myself genuinely, I am more attractive.

Women can sense when you are being genuine and when you are not. You may be able to fool them for a short time but not in the long run. However when the opposite happens and you are confidently yourself , it is amazing how quickly all people are more attracted to you.

I imagine back when some of the other schools started there was someone trying to be the cool guy and whenever he was himself it went badly. So they all began to come to the conclusion that being yourself was counterproductive and you should change and hide who you are in a way. The problem is that when people try to “be” themselves they are really not being themselves either. They are insecure and scared to put themselves all the way out there.

What I learned from Charisma Arts was that if I confidently was me, whoever that was, that people liked me more. While what we promote is actively being you, we do have some guidelines and techniques on how to do that well. The real you needs to come out and you need to be confident about it. Our method is about being 100% committed to an interaction and that means being 100% you.

It is really quite astonishing when someone is genuine how much more attractive that makes them. I recently met a guy who really wanted to be a Charisma Arts instructor. He was very good at approaching women and engaging them. Hell, he is probably better than I am at it. But I didn’t get a sense of whom he was. He used a lot of humor and while he was genuine and being himself, it also seemed like he was hiding behind humor and afraid to put who he was out on the line for us to see. Finally one night at dinner he told us the first real story about who he was and some of his personal struggles. It was at that moment that I really began to like him. When he confidently took the risk to tell something about him to us that was personal, he became real and much more human. I could finally relate to him.

I see it in our bootcamps sometimes when guys are in sets. They screw up and instead of trying to say the right thing or make a recovery they just point out how much they just put their foot in their mouth. That is the moment when they become real and relateable. Being good with people is not about always knowing what to say and being smooth. In fact it is almost the opposite. The more mistakes you make and show you are confident and un-phased by them, the more people enjoy being around you because you are more human to them.

Don’t change when you get into the game, you are perfect just who you are. Instead become better at being you, more confident in putting yourself out there, and more committed to expressing your personality. If you are not getting the response you are seeking ask yourself if what you did was to seek someone’s approval, or because that is just who you are.

Genuine people not afraid to be themselves are what being charismatic is all about.