Connect - Relate - Reward

These are the three keys to success with social interaction. I got a chance to go hang out with the guys at Charisma Arts workshop in San Francisco this weekend and over and over this was what made or broke the interaction.

So many guys get into question trains and don't listen and relate to what a girl is saying. The key, is after you open, to relate to the very first thing she gives you. If she gives you a weak answer relate to it but do it in a way as if you were answering a question the way you want it answered. You are modeling how you want her response to be. Then ask another question. Don't link more than 2 questions together back to back without relating to what she says. And do it with EMOTION.

Example:

Me: Hi I'm SHH
Her: Hi I'm HBSomeGirl
Me: Hey it's really cool to meet you. How do all you guys know eachother?
Her: These are my friends from work.
Me: I think it is so cool you guys all go out outside of work. I always find when i see people i work with going out, there is a different connection that gets introduced and i learn about them in a whole new way. It is really fun to see that uptite secretary getting down on the dance floor with one too many margaritas in her.
Her: Definetly, see that guy over there, Mark, he has had six beers tonite and is just tearing it up on the dance floor, i've barely seen him smile outside his cubicle for 5 minutes.
Me: Haha. Thats great. So what kind of person are you like at work?
Her: Oh, i'm the social butterfly. I am always going around trying to get people to talk to eachother. I really like to see new people make friends.
Me: That is really cool, there are so few people these days who do that, I bet everyone in the office loves you, how many secret crushes do all the guys at work have on you?
Her: oh I don't know. I just like people. But there is this one nerdy guy in the office i can tell likes me though. It is so sweet but he is so dorky he always trips over his words when he is around me. It really kind of cute, so i always try to be really nice to him to make him feel comfortable.
Me: Wow, not only are you sexy but you are a really genuinely kind person. I like that. [btw this is a Statment of Intent used as a reward]

Notice in the interaction I always related to the last thing she said or rewarded her for the emotional commitment and content in what she last said. The Subject always was the emotions Her and I had, yet the topic was just boring stuff about the people at her work. It is that emotional connection you create with her that creates attraction.

So next time you find yourself in a question train, stop, and relate to the last thing she said. If she said, I don't know, and you vacuum longer and she doesn't give you anything (really put the vacuum on) relate to that if you have to.

"Sometimes i know what you mean, i just can't decide what my favorite food is i love so many differnt types, when people ask me i really just can't pick just one. So what is one of your favorite types of food". See how i related even to something like a response of I don't know. I related to that and then rephrased the same question. I gave her some emotion as well and answered my own question tying it to her response, I modeled what i wanted from our interaction. The next answer she gives me is damn well going to be more committed and deeper than "I don't know".

For you guys who are finding that stall out the first minute or two of an interaction use these concepts. Connect to the emotion she is giving you, relate to it, and when she finally gives you an answer that shows she is committing to the interaction reward her for it.