I finally came to a good conclusion. I am uncomfortable not being clear with the women i date. I don't want it to come up like i was decieving them. Even if this is my headtrip i need to get over, that is where i am at. It was my frame that was the issue. So here is the statement that i had good results with:
"Right now i'm really not into committed relationships. I really enjoy dating different people and really finding out who they are. I have been having so much fun with you getting to know you. you are a really wonderful person."
She didn't even comment on the different people part and i even asked several of my female friends for Womanese translation of that and they were all supportive that i was being clear..
So that is my solution. I am happy because i am being clear and it is framed in a way that has the most chance of success for being interpreted correctly and favorably.
Just bring up relationship talk and then that statment can be inserted where appropriately..
There really is a lot to the idea of laying down a few statments like this or about anything when you first meet a girl. If you hate drama then have that conversation on the first date or two and frame it so she qualifies herself as not dramatic. Even lead her through some what if scenario's. Then if you get in a LTR or MLTR with her and she does that stuff you can cut her off and refer to this converstation.
What a great way to enter a conscious relationship. Just knock out all the repeating issue's you have had before right up front. Make her accept your values and views on how the relationship should be.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
hahaha womanese...well put
The Vacuum is simple. It is just any open ended questions but you don't say anything until she answers you. It is very compelling for her to break the silence and commit to the interaction.
no, that isn't a compelling vacuum..
If you are going to ask that question wait when she says that untill she fills in the details. Wait for an answer that satisfies you. If she dosent look like she is going to answer you after 30 seconds then reframe your question to somthing like:
"What do your tattoo's mean to you?" then wait for a real answer. Don't be tempted to interject..
Make it a compelling question that really makes her commit to the interaction.
"What do your tattoo's mean to you, Why did you go through all that pain to get the images that you have and what do they represent?"
The key to the vacuum is to ask a really solid question that she can't just blow off. Wait untill she answers with an explanation that really captures the emotions you are trying to elicit. Always ask a vacuum question that elicit's a strong emotional response.
Then reward her commitment with something like:
"That is really amazing, it is incredible to see someone who is so willing to commit to their ideas that they imortalize them on their body for all to see, that is really sexy..." That also turns into a statment of intent.
Much better questions. If she says "I don't know", sit and wait for a response, longer then it feels comfortable, that is the essence of the vacuum. If she dosen't elaborate then rephrase the question and ask again, but wait for an answer without interjecting." Rarely do they not answer and commit to the interaction. If they don't then i usually bust on them a bit like:
So you don't have any passions in life? Ah, i know your type. Let me guess this is the first time you have been out in 30 years because you are afraid to leave your 11 cats home alone. You are just like my aunt, she is a crazy cat lady too, never leaves her house.. But seriously, so what are you into? [Vacum again]
Generating good questions is as simple as thinking about what you would ask yourself. What things do you like to talk about. Ask her questions you wish someone would ask you. Then you will be able to better relate to her answers.
Post a Comment