Equal Interaction Exchange

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Everything in this universe is based on equal and opposite reactions. It is a law of physics. When there is not an equal exchange of energy then there is an imbalance. In social situations the same law exists. For every exchange of energy there must be an equal and opposite exchange or there will lead to an imbalance and affect the interaction negatively.

Our lives work well when the energy exchange is in balance. If I go to work and I get paid there is an appropriate exchange. If I help you once and you help me back sometime there is an equal exchange. Even charity is an exchange; by giving I get a good feeling about myself. Socially I call this energy Interaction Currency.

In a social situation there must be a relatively equal exchange of interaction currency. If I go on and on about some topic and don’t listen to you then I am giving energy and not waiting for it to come back. This imbalance leads the other person to not value what energy you are giving because they haven’t had to exchange equally. We never value things highly that we get for free. Vice versa if someone tells you a story and you just move on, don’t relate to that story, or change the subject, that person feels you didn’t value his or her interaction currency. Over or undervaluing either yours, or someone else’s interaction currency leads to a breakdown of the social interaction.

There are at least three types of interaction currency. Emotional, Intellectual, & Touch, too much of one leads to devaluation of your currency, not enough leads to an overvaluing of your currency. Intellectual currency is the logical part of interactions. It is what you know such as facts, how to do something, etc. Touch, is a very powerful currency that should be used appropriately, such as a hug, pat on the back, a touch on the arm, etc. If your goal is a romantic interaction appropriate touch is a must to convey intentions. Emotional interaction currency is the most valuable of these and is the most important to understand for the purposes of increasing your charisma. Emotional connection is paramount to develop in your social interactions. As in all currencies, one can be converted to another. Someone tells you a great story and they get a high five. An emotional story is rewarded with appropriate touch currency, someone tells you how to do something and is rewarded with a compliment, emotional currency.

As long as the interaction currency is exchanged appropriately equal, the interaction will escalate and enter into deeper rapport building. However, if at any time the interaction currency is exchanged unequally it will hinder the natural escalation of the interaction. Bragging, not listening, inappropriate touch, over enthusiasm, etc is all examples of unequal interaction exchange. A common occurrence of this is when a guy meets a girl for the first time and starts buying her drinks, showering with compliments. This usually doesn’t work and causes the woman to want to end the interaction. If it does work usually the woman has low self-esteem and the compliments build her up and she appreciates that, or she is looking for material currency such as free drinks, gifts, etc. The reason this is an imbalanced situation is this woman has done nothing to deserve the interaction currency except being pretty. If someone came up to you of the same sex, that you didn’t know, started buying you drinks and giving you compliments, it would make you uncomfortable. If you are a man and a woman starts doing this to you then beware of ulterior motives, likely they are conning you. Being attractive is not interaction currency.

If you are appropriately exchanging interaction currency you will build Intrinsic Value. With the right amount of emotional currency to make you charismatic, intellectual currency to demonstrate intelligence, and touch currency to create appropriate intimacy, the interaction will start to escalate. This escalation will leave both parties with the feeling the other has intrinsic value. If you demonstrate proper exchange of interaction currency you build intrinsic value. The other person has seen you connect intellectually, emotionally, and kinesthetically (touch), they will begin to see you have much more of where that came from and see you are a high value person. A high value person is what we are striving to be, and to do that we have to appropriately demonstrate a wealth of interaction currency displayed correctly as intrinsic value.

In any interaction you need the proper recipe for intrinsic value. For business three parts intellectual currency, two parts emotional currency, and a dash of touch currency (such as a strong handshake or a touch on the upper arm). In sales you need more emotional currency but display specific intellectual currency with much less touch currency. In romantic relationships there needs to be much more touch currency, lots of emotional currency, and appropriate intellectual currency matched to the person you are interacting with.

As with any economic system the market will balance the fair price of currency and the value of that currency. It takes time to learn to be calibrated enough to know when what type of currency is appropriate. Luckily it actually becomes very easy in reality.

This theory is a model to judge your own interaction exchange by. To see where you might be over paying, or over selling causing your intrinsic value to be lessened. If we start to view our interactions as exchange of energy then it becomes easy to see where our interactions break down. I have seen countless times where people I am talking to want to know about me because I am charismatic. However, if I fall into the trap of talking about myself too much without eliciting them to tell me about themselves, they will at some point lose interest in talking to me, especially if they are not relating to my stories on emotional level. Another example is a bit of dating advice that is misunderstood. “Get the woman to talk about herself and she’ll love you”. This is only half the story. If you just ask questions to get her talking about herself it will feel more like an interview to her. However if you get her talking about herself and emotionally connect with her relating to her stories then she will find you interesting.

The real art now is to learn how to keep the exchange balanced and continue to escalate the interaction correctly. However as you practice these it will become second nature. This model will allow you to see the imbalances and either use those to your advantage or correct them to make a balanced interaction. This will leave room to escalate the interaction. As you keep things balanced you will be exchanging more and more valuable interaction currency, this is natural escalation. This is the goal of your interactions till you have gained the amount of value needed at that time from the interaction.