One of the hardest things I see clients struggle with each weekend is the three escalation points. First is the escalation to platonic, this one is actually easy; it is simply opening and starting a conversation. However the next escalation point is the hardest for most clients. That is turning the conversation from platonic to personal.
If I end up talking to a woman about things, facts, events, or subjects, I will only be able to hold her attention if she has similar feelings and emotions about this stuff as I do. If she doesn’t or I can’t find something in common quickly the conversation will fall flat and not go anywhere. I need to create an environment in a conversation where I am speaking about how I feel about things and getting her to relate by speaking about how she feels and thinks about anything. We need to relate on similar emotions, not similar interests. The only way to do this is to make it personal.
In day game simply introducing yourself after speaking for a few moments helps do this. Now you can stop talking about that book recommendation and ask her where she is from and how she likes it there. At night it is much easier but talking about “things” can be a common trap.
The two magic questions that help you move from platonic to personal are:
“How does that feel?” & “What is that like for you?”
I even will tell a woman “Look I don’t want to know what Spain is like, I can read that in a guide book, I want to know what your experienc e over there is like.”
The more you move it from platonic to personal the more interesting things you will find out about her. That is the whole goal of this method. When she shows herself to be unique, that is when you show interest, relate, appreciate, and escalate. This method can be boiled down to: Make her interesting, and appreciate it”. To do that though you must make the conversation personal, about you and her, not about things.
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7 comments:
I think it's also important to remember that transitioning to personal is often best done on her high point, ie. as part of a reward. For example "hey you're funny, what's your name?"
I think that's what he means by "make her interesting." You need to find the interesting things about her, and then let her know why you like that about her.
When you introduce yourself a few minutes into the conversation, how do you do it? Do you offer your hand and say "by the way, I'm ..."? or do you say it without offering your hand? It feels awkward to me to go from being chatty to being formal (ie. a handshake), then trying to go back to chatty. Please don't say I've gotta attend a CA workshop to get this info off you - I can't afford it :(
when you are thinking about things like that, it means you are worrying about what she thinks of you. bad mindset. just go with what feels most natural and do it confidently. you make the rules. i personally hug chicks when i meet them. or i make up a fun handshake on the spot.
I just finished a workshop with Dan. We were encouraged to open with "Hi, I'm ...." To be honest I'd barely approached anyone before. The key is the vibe, commitment and energy level when you do it. I've been opening with it since, and haven't had a bad response, girls sometimes go blank at first for about 2 seconds, particularly if you tap them to get their attention, but then start smiling like mad.
I can really see how people will generally chat to someone they don't know, but without exchanging names, it remains impersonal.
The way to do it is just do it. The first few times I tried I didn't have the right energy, and just simply opening, I could see the positive reaction, but the interaction wouldn't go anywhere due to the commitment level I was showing in the first few sentences.
I took that home, and when I woke up, I realised that the commitment and energy level was probably missing. Thereafter the approaches started sticking and I was getting really positive reactions.
I don't see exchanging names as something that I have to work up to. It feels very natural to open with it, and it changes the dynamic from strangers to acquaintances, if done right, within the first words of the interaction.
I will generally do it with a handshake, it's light kino and makes it personal immediately - more to the point, you are the man, and you are leading, look in control, and look like you know where you are taking this, which is generally reassuring.
- JZ
I love the statement about making her tell you not what Spain is like but what her experience has been.
A weakness that I am happy to say I am overcoming since your bootcamp is really accessing a rich descriptive vocabulary and getting into my descriptions personally and enjoying them.
I have been playing a game by getting women to really describe things in detail. I have had great success with this as I think it makes the girl really work for it and then I reward.
Wow Dan, you did good with this one, this is my current sticking point, I can open, and I can stay in set, but I can't escalate consistently.
My wing was telling me its an inner game issue, not believing I am worth it. But you gave me a solution instead. How to go about moving past the fun and games to a personal level.
Thanks,
ODB
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