Confident men realize their value and feel it inside that people are attracted to them. This of course is not an easy thing to realize if you don’t have that inner confidence. However this is a point to “fake it till you make it”. Realize if you are an even remotely attractive guy and can actively present who you are genuinely you will be creating attraction. However, you have to know that attraction is already there and they just haven’t discovered it. You are a confident, unapologetic man, and that is attractive. Everyone you talk to with that mindset is going to be attracted to you in one way or another. So you learn to expect that and assume that people are going to be attracted to you. This in fact is a hell of a lot easier than trying to earn their attraction. Hell let’s get this straight. If you assume she is attracted to you and wants to go to bed with you what type of agenda do you have to have? None. How easy is that. If she doesn’t go to bed with you then it is obviously because of logistics or other reasons because it sure as hell not you! Do you see how easy the game becomes if you just assume this? No running attraction game, no trying to make her see you as a high value man and proving you are to her, no TRYING to do anything with her. All that is left is to get to know her to see if she is someone YOU want to sleep with, go on a date with, or kiss.
So it is your choice. Learn lots of techniques to earn her attraction, appear confident, trick her into believing you are qualifying her, or take on the mindset that allows all of that to be second nature. Is it easy to know in your heart you are attractive to everyone you meet and they want to be around you? No it is not, but imagine how much better your life will be if you can personify confidence. It is only your insecurity that makes you work so hard at tricks and techniques that make you APPEAR confident. Take the first steps to being confident and start assuming attraction. I guarantee at some point if you are being genuine with a woman she will start being attracted to you. In other words when you show who you really are genuinely she will be attracted to you. Embrace this fact and apply it generously. When you are you, everyone will be attracted to you. In other words you can just assume she is attracted to you and stop worrying about getting her to be attracted to you. It is much easier to do this and then spend your time getting to know if you are attracted to her or not for anything besides her looks.
If you can’t do this, take some time off pickup and go develop things in your life you are confident about and enjoy. “You have to be willing to fuck yourself before anyone else will!” J. Saviour
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
15 comments:
you know this is true some of the time - attraction isn't neccessary, but when I got to bars and have not done some kind of attraction, then too many women just won't talk to me - I have to provide some reason for them to talk to me (i.e. attraction material) or it just won't go.
"I guarantee at some point if you are being genuine with a woman she will start being attracted to you. "
possibly, but the difficulty is getting her to give you that time to be genunine, she's not bored in a club and it is more permissible to blow you off (and they do), so you have to pique her interest.
Great post! It took me a long time to realise that "assuming attraction" is the basis of natural game. By assuming attraction from the start: being playful, disqualifying and bringing out her uniqueness we are setting up a strong connection and creating more attraction than otherwise possible.
If you entered a set/date assuming attraction would start with BIG questions, getting her to commit?
Or would you try to keep the conversation balanced from the start, putting yourself out there because you have confidence she'll like you?
You pique her interest by relating to her. Yes you ask big questions to get her committed to talking to you. You vacuum, and you model the answer you want her to give you. If you do this right anyone will want to talk to you because you ARE so different and intriguing.
Don't try to only give her what she gives you to keep things balanced. Instead ask a LOT of her, then give her a LOT. She will now feel the imbalance and feel better about sharing because she now knows something about you and you are again asking her to contribute. Keeping things balanced is good but make sure you do it while escalating. That means giving and asking more and more so your both putting more into the interaction.
i think i have intimacy issues! (doesn't everyone?!) but i find it hard to ask big questions for some reason, because then i need to open up as well. for some reason in my mind i have this idea that i need to start with small talk and work up to big things. but a lot of the time the small talk doesn't evolve and stays flat. but then sometimes it does, if it happens that the girl is actually a very good conversationalist. if she's not, i'm in trouble.
Also, one issue i have is, i can overtalk. My vibing skills have become better. Stories will come to me as we are talking and i'll dish 'em out but that makes me commit more than they are. i fall back into entertainment mode. they're just like, 'oh cool' and they don't ask questions of me about what happened. how do i solve this? I think I 'expect' them to relate back but a lot of times they don't.
my take is: i need to ask them a question about their own experience or if something similar happened.
Dan, any comments?
Ask big questions and expect a shit answer, then answer the question yourself then re-ask in a smaller scope.
As for the rest it sounds like the best way to answer your question would be through a bootcamp or phone consult. There are multiple issues there i would gess.
Dan
I know I found this idea very powerful and the reason I have been watching myself gravitate toward's Juggler's method. Well, first I worked out a lot and put on some muscle and realized that yes, I would totally fuck myself. Thanks Johnny.
Then I was in the field and just assumed attraction--at this point let me get to know her genuinely rather than try to run "attraction material." It is fun to banter and play with girls but at the same time we all know that the game is won or lost in rapport. Juggler describes rapport as fun -- I haven't experienced it that way entirely yet but I look forward to seeing it that way some day.
"Stories will come to me as we are talking and i'll dish 'em out but that makes me commit more than they are. i fall back into entertainment mode. they're just like, 'oh cool' and they don't ask questions of me about what happened. how do i solve this? I think I 'expect' them to relate back but a lot of times they don't."
It sounds like you haven't made the conversation personal. That's the first milestone. Finding a reason to say, "wow! I like that. I like you!" is a milestone. After that it makes sense why you are sharing yourself. And you can ask things about her that relate herself to the story. But you gotta find something in her worthy of that personal reward first. Maybe she held the door for you, gave a great answer to an unusual question, or just has great energy or style tonight. She's gotta know you've made in personal, about the two of you first.
Just trying to answer Anonymous's question (10 October, 2006 14:41), If you want her more actively involved in your stories, leave things unexplored and try using hooks in your stories.
examples:
unexplored threads - "So i was standing at the airport the other day and i saw this guy who looked a bit like someone i used to be in a band with, but it wasn't him. He was looking around a lot, and he looked really suspicious. I thought he might have been a smuggler or something". Wow, this is an awful example. but just note how i relate things back to other parts of my life that i don't explain. why was i at an airport? what band did i used to be in? i hope you get the idea.
Hooks are easier to explain. at any high point in your story, just stop. It gets her to ask what happens next. "I saw the most bizaar thing attached to my clothes line thismorning. I was standing there in my pajamas and i just couldn't believe it."
If you drip feed her your stories like this, it will get her more and more interested in you... It's like when it's late at night and you need to go to bed but you just have to see what happens next in this movie. Even if it is a bad movie, you need to keep watching.
davich
Thanks for the feedback. I like your emphasis on leading and creating a momentary imbalance as an opportunity for her to commit. Since my seminar with Charisma Arts, I've become good at answering my own questions: an excellent way of getting that lacking commitment.
-Aero
dealing with conversation interrupts
If she's was talking you can resume the thread (good). If your talking you can't resume what you were saying, or the thread (unless she asks). So you need another topic.
Is there an easier way?
Do you maybe always make a fluff comment about the interupt (say a friend came to check on her) and then resume what you were saying heedless of whether she shows interest?
I really do hate interrupts - give too many IOIs and you are desperate/giving away your power - so how can interrupts be handled with minimum desperation?
Hi SHH!
How do you react when someone is clearly disrespecting you and you can't put a positive spin on it? For example people ignoring you completely by turning their backs at you while you're talking to them, or interupting you by beginning to talk with someone else in the middle of your sentence, and stuff like that? Still try to put it in a positive daylight, although they begin to put you in the "clown"-frame? Or just open another set and ignore them?
Thanks!
Pieter
Interrupts are hard. Try to head them off at the pass and introduce yourself before they even get there.
As for pure disrespect. Most likely it is your lack of commitment to the interaction that is even allowing that to happen. If it does happen you need to call her out on it in a non accusatory way.
"Excuse me, it's quite rude to turn your back on someone when they are talking. Let's start over, i'll introduce myself again, you'll politely converse with me a moment or two. We'll take it from there. So here, again... I'm Dan"
Dan I had a really good time hanging with you at Voleur last month. It was cool to meet you because I have always identified with your posts here and on the Charismaarts website.
Anyway, I think that this is absolutely gold. The guy who assumes attraction is the guy that I think we all want to be. I have found that if I approach an interaction from the POV that the woman in question already wants me, everything goes so much smoother and I have more interesting and rewarding interactions. The tricky part is the "fake it till you make it" thing. I think that it is a hard thing to fake. How long did it take you before you internalized it?
Andy
I don't know that it's just assuming attraction that does it. For me, often times i know a girl is attracted, but i don't feel confident enough to by myself and be genuine. For some people this would work but others need more internal work.
I think assuming attraction is also allowing her to feel attracted to you on her own terms, and not on what you think could be attractive to her (which will probably not be the same, you can't see in her head).
By not assuming attracting, you also drown her energy in always having to let you know "she really likes". I see a correlation with the "loud people don't scare people, quiet people do" phrase, because there also, you do that to make it easier for the other person to judge you, and not drown their energy in having difficult times judging you. Dunno wheter it makes sence, but in a sense "not assuming attraction" is also drowning energy from the other peron in having to *feed* you being yourself in "it's ok man who you are man, i like you, go on with what you do and are"'s. It's ok to get those sentences from people but you should not need them for doing what you do and being who you are, cause then "you being you" has to be *feeded*...
if you assume attraction, 1/ you being you doens't need to be feeded & 2/people can appreciate and feel attracted to you on their own terms. Not those you choose.
Pieter
Post a Comment