Just like you should speak in the “I” perspective so that people can get to know you, you should make your rewards specific to one person. So often I find myself rewarding the gender of women in general “You know I like that, I love it when a woman is passionate about her career.” However, that is actually a poor way to reward the person your talking to, and in fact comes off sounding like a qualification that you just built around their statement. Instead make it personal “I really like that you are so passionate about your career!”
I used to reward that way a lot. One girl I had called me out on it once. I said something like, “I love it when a women are bold enough to initiate sex” as she was on top of me. She clearly said to me “Try saying that you like how ‘I’ am bold enough, I don’t want you to be putting me in the same class as every other woman you have had.”
Women want to be unique. So make your rewards about them, and specifically them. Not women in general and not “a” woman in general. Use the word “you”.
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5 comments:
great post!
reminds me a lot of mybirthdaypony's "Be Specific"[link below] post about the same exact topic. it's cool you guys are both on the same page.
keep up the good work.
http://mybirthdaypony.blogspot.com/2006/09/be-specific.html
There was a great post on the CA forums about "you" and "me"/"I". Things are deeper, more fun, more playful, more intense when you use the words "you" and "me"/"I" in the same sentence.
"I like ____ about you"
"Don't say that, your turning me on, stop that. :)"
"I can relate to your challenging situation."
"I don't normally like women with Southern accents, but on you it's really sexy."
"I knew I'd say that and you'd get a big head about it."
Along the same lines is using "we" or "us".
"Okay, that's it, we're broken up."
"You don't remember me? We made out last week! :)"
"We would never get along! :)"
"I" perspective is only half of getting a personal vibe with her. "You" makes the other half.
SexyIntent
I've been thinking about this probably too much.
“You know I like that, I love it when a woman is passionate about her career.”
Here you are saying 'you meet my standards and that pleases me'
“I really like that you are so passionate about your career!”
here you are saying 'your wonderful' (but owning it with specifics).
If the first time a woman makes you chuckle, and you say 'your wonderful' in some manner, then you play a lot of cards, and you may risk coming of desperate, too eager interest = discomfort.
However later on, when your in bed for instance, she wants to hear she's wonderful.
I think the timing is probably quite important for tight game. Style says once your in relationship all the rules change, and its good to give compliments. Mystery turns crazy-AFC after qualification. So that's what I'm thinking. That being slightly standoffish in ones qualification intially ('I like women like that'), is tight game.
xxx goose.
It doesn't matter if you reward her a lot, as long as it is appropriate and the woman feels she deserves that reward. "You're wonderful" after making you laugh might be too much instead "You are really funny! I like that about out." She deserves that.
I think it is better to give specific rewards instead of general rewards. If a reward is specific about her then it is usually never un-calibrated. If it is general like "You're wonderful" she damn well better have done something pretty amazing.
Rewarding people freely makes them feel great, and i think is really at the heart of Charisma! Being approval giving does mean giving that approval freely is a good thing.
Yeah! I could relate so well to that experience. I've been called on that too many times to count :) All by the same women.
Don't say, "That dress is sexy." no good. Say "You look sexy in that dress."
Or worse! "I am so turned on." No no no. "I'm so turned on by Y-O-U."
Believe me, women Really don't like it when you give generic rather than personal compliments.
I still forget. These were sometimes very sexual moments, and my attention would be elsewhere...
Thanks,
Chad
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