People often assume the Charisma Arts method has to have a certain mindset to work effectively. That you must already be confident and assured before you will have success. I would like to point out that this mindset really is required before you will get any real degree of success with any method. You can only trick people into thinking your confident for so long. So to help with calibration, I want to verbalize some of my understandings of the mindset of a confident successful person. If you are having trouble embracing these, I have put them in affirmation form. Print them out and put them on your mirror. Tell yourself these affirmations every day until you start believing and embracing them.
I am an interesting person; people want to talk with and be around me!
The mindset when you are going up to talk to new people is that they will WANT to talk to you once they get to know you a bit. Besides you wanting to find out about someone else, you just assume that people will want to talk to you and are attracted to being around you. If you can’t internalize this, then start doing more things in your life that interest you. Then realize you are an interesting person!
All people are interesting, and it is my aspiration to uncover that uniqueness in every person I talk to!
Being genuinely interested is not just a naïve idealism that all people are wonderful and worth talking to. It has real applicable benefits to you personally. Despite being a pillar of charisma, you begin to realize everyone has a different view on the world and has very different areas of knowledge and expertise. However it is not these things that are interesting about them, it is their understandings and views on them that can shape and change your understandings and views on the things you are interested in. For example ever notice a musician when listening to the radio hears so much more than we do? They hear the harmonies, the structure, the mistakes, and the character of the music in so much more detail. I don’t really care about the structure of music that much however the way they listen to music is a totally different approach than mine. I can appreciate and learn from a musician so much about active listening and discernment. That is something that does interest me and can be a great value to me in my life. One side note; you don’t have to like a person to be interested in them. I definitely don’t like everyone I meet, however I am interested in talking with him or her.
I will not take negativity and bad reactions around me personally!
Remember that people’s reactions to anything are conditioned. A negative reaction to a warm friendly approach is due to their conditioning and the response is really a response to their past experiences, not you. If someone reacts negatively to you the worst thing is to get defensive and take it personally. They don’t even know you, why would they NOT want to talk to such a fun and interesting person? Agree and use disqualifications instead of defensiveness.
I will decide if a woman is worth my sexual interest based on whom she is, not how she looks!
Just last night a buddy of mine got to talk to a gorgeous woman from LA in our very small town. Every guy in the bar was queuing up to talk to her, yet after just two minutes of talking to her he found her an un-attractive person to be around because she thought she was better than everyone in our town. The reason a natural method works like Charisma Arts is because you aren’t interested in her sexually until she shows you she is worth that interest. You don’t hold off your interest like in an indirect method, you realize deeply that she hasn’t earned your interest yet and besides being aesthetically pleasing hasn’t offered you any reason to show your interest yet. You don’t know that hot woman yet! How can you put her on a pedestal above you before you even know her?
So these are some of the things that I try to exemplify when I live my life and am out talking to people. I know the idea of using affirmations is kind of corny, but they really do work to change your internal picture of yourself. Think of them as stepping-stones on the path to a more confident mindset that will increase your success.
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6 comments:
Woohoo, another blog! Dude, you are becoming one of my idols! The very first time i do when i get a chance to go on the internet, is checking your site. Every time there is a new entry, it makes my day. It's starting to get cliché, but: thanks a lot !!
Willy
Excellent post, it comfirms to me that JM is not about conversational techniques only, you must have a strong mindset or inner game or beliefs to make all work. It's amazing that your affirmations in my opinion are very similar to the ones I adopted when I begun to use JM:
1. I'm an important person.
2. I expect nothing, I'm detached from outcome.
3. I enjoy myself, I have fun.
4. I have genuine interest in others.
And that's all. Point 2 particularly is pretty important to me since it takes the pressure off of approaching, it seems more and more easy each time I approach women. Again apparently I could deduce correctly the core mindset of JM from the available stuff, and your post confirms this; I will complement my affirmations with your last one... Thanks for posting this.
Twin was saying on MASF how he asks girls 'how do you get your personal needs met?'
IMO this is very juggler.
So what would kind of answer would you think you could say if asked back?
Cos' it sounds like a cool avenue to go down, just, ummm, scary.
goose.
congratulations on the newsletter gig.
Hope you'll keep posting them here, I appreciate your occassional clarification, and sometimes others' comments.
Don't mind you repeating yourself either - there's only so much you can say on the topic right.
hey this is great stuff.
please post more inner game/calibration related stuff
thanks :]
Dan. Its not even funny that before I moved to the United States my mindset & attitude towards life was exactly this..
Discover that unique perspective that someone can offer. As I always say.. I am a perennial vagabond.
Then I got anxious with the new country scenario, then the GAME crap, and now I'm getting back to me. :).
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