Alpha Nice

The perils of the secret agent; life is filled with obstacles to overcome. Secrecy and a quick wit are essential; you never know whom to trust. That man approaching, does he intend to foil your best-laid plans and reach your target before you, putting the entire mission at risk? Interception is your only choice. You approach him fully armed and ready to disarm his attack. Your plan is to ascertain his degree of threat and take him out discreetly. You approach him and begin interplay so layered with attempts at dominance people literally stop to listen to see the results of this verbal battling of will. Cordial on the outside and fierce and cutting between every word, your emotions although masked by subterfuge, burn with fury as you achieve your goal. The obstacle has been disarmed and walks away speechless as you establish your place at the top in the hierarchy of human interaction. You turn to your target, a sweet looking brunette with vital importance as an international contact. Filled with the confidence of showing your alpha status you introduce yourself. Her face turns dour. You stand there in shock, as you had not planned for this contingency. She places her hand on your shoulder and leans in to whisper in your ear. In a deep British accent, she says “You’re a fucking wanker, you know that? Do you really expect me to give you the time of day, when you speak to my brother that way?” She turns around and walks away from you. Mission status: Critical. Failure to complete objective.

Hmm is being a secret agent that much different than what we are trying to do? I mean most of the guys certainly talk like secret agents, with all this disarming obstacles and observing the target’s IOIs. It really shouldn’t be this difficult. Luckily it is not. You will always find that if you are looking out for a negative, it will come find you. These are people we are talking with. Let’s not objectify them with fancy acronyms and community-speak. We are people trying to relate and experience interactions with other people. Personally I think that much of the community’s lingo dehumanizes people and encourages objectification of women. These are real people you are talking to, not targets, obstacles, and AMOGs. When you view everyone as an adversary that is exactly what you will get. Every woman will have her bitch shield at full power, with her shit tests fully armed and ready to fire. Obstacles will swoop in and cock-block your attempts. This will attract AMOGs to destroy your game and you will be left a sniveling AFC.

So now that I have given up my secret agent days I see the bar as a whole new environment. Every smile that is returned to me is an opportunity to experience a new friendship in the making. Married women and boyfriends are people with interesting experiences that I can relate to, and even sometimes widen my entire social circle by befriending them. That awkward guy lurking near the group I am talking to becomes an invited friend, and displays my genuine ability to be social with everyone.

Charisma Arts teaches only one technique to “AMOG” someone, that is a negative presumption. I get to that spot in my notes every Sunday and I tell stories from other instructors who have had experiences using that. I almost feel false because I don’t have any personal experience with using that technique. I have never had to even once. I’ve never been AMOGed in a bar while working. I guess what they say is true that “you attract to you what you fear most.”

Group dynamics are really not hard; they don’t have to be drawn out into a schematic. Simply put, approach those closest to you, and include the entire group in your introduction, if even just a wave to those you can’t reach. Be sure to be warm and friendly, especially to guys in a group. Then choose a friendly person to talk to and start a conversation. Converse with whomever you want to in a group. Be friendly to all and include those around you in the group. If someone approaches immediately introduce yourself and project a warm vibe.

If someone is not friendly to you the easiest thing is to be extra friendly to him or her, and continue to engage him or her. If they ignore you or is mean, it really makes them look bad. If they something negative it makes them look worse. Just never let it bother you and everyone will know whom the true alpha male is.

So be alpha nice, not alpha. Include people, and have conversations to find out interesting things about people. Leave your secret agent mentality at home locked up and sealed in your exploding safe.