There is a magic point in the interaction when you know you need to escalate and don’t know how to do it. The first part is of course using the word “Sexy” in an SOI (Statement of Intent). However, once you have made a statement of intent, how do you escalate the interaction further? The secret is push pull and sexual barriers. I have already outlined push pull in an earlier blog, so now I want to talk about sexual barriers.
Sexual barriers are amazing; they let you get away with saying the most over the top things but do it in a way that makes it easier. Sexual barriers tend to work really well when you do push pull. I always wondered how some of the naturals got away with saying some of the explicitly sexual things they said to women without being slapped. Now I understand so much better. It really is about using push pull to introduce an idea into a woman’s head but then taking away the shock of it.
“I really just can’t stop thinking about my tongue running up the inside of your thigh, however I just met you and I really can’t tell you that.”
I watched Life is Beautiful this weekend and I realized how amazing his seduction of his wife was. He was fun and interesting and at the end of his date he says something to the affect of:
“I want to make love to you so badly, however I realize if I told you that it would be completely absurd and I absolutely wouldn’t tell you that. In fact it would take an army to torture me before I told you how much I want to make love to you. I definitely couldn’t tell you that.”
What a great line. This is the essence of a sexual barrier. You tell her what you would like, whether it is a kiss or wanting to make love to her, and then you put up a small speed bump like barrier as to why that can’t happen. You want her to break down your barrier. If you leave it just saying what you want, you put so much pressure for her to have to accept it or deny it, she won’t commit to accepting it. However if you put it out there and almost pull it back, she doesn’t have to commit to it. It does put the idea in her head and make it known that is what you want.
The same thing goes with push pull as sexual barriers, you don’t want to end on a push or make the barrier so high she won’t try to overcome it.
“You are really sexy; if I had my way I’d take you home right now, but since I just met you I absolutely can’t. Not in a million years would I sleep with you the first night I met you.”
That isn’t a sexual barrier, it is the Berlin wall; she will have to change an entire political regime just to try to scale it. Try something like this:
“You are really sexy, I honestly can’t stop thinking about taking you back to my place, even though it seems like we know each other so well, I have to remind myself we only met tonight.”
This lays down the idea of coming home with you tonight, but also sets a small barrier that makes her want to overcome her own worries about not knowing you well enough and seeming desperate. You just showed her you are worried about the same thing so she won’t feel so bad revealing to you how much she wants to go home with you as well.
Sexual barriers are powerful from the beginning of the interaction to the end. When you want to kiss her you can use this:
“Honestly I have been looking at your lips for the last ten minutes and can’t stop thinking about kissing you, but all these people are watching so it might have to wait till later.”
All the way to her having last minute resistance to sex:
“You’re right, we shouldn’t do this. Honestly, it would probably be too much for us both if you felt my hand skirting the top of your jeans sliding down to feel the warm wetness inside your legs. It might just drive us both crazy as I slip my hand inside you and you arch your back writhing in pleasure as you feel yourself getting closer to orgasm.”
Sexual barriers increase the sexual tension in an interaction. They also create a fun flirty vibe that is so important in escalation. Remember that unlike men, women are turned on by the idea of sex much more than the visual component of seeing a hot guy. Most men are turned on instantly if they see a hot woman. Women need the mental component to turn them on. Sexual barriers do that. If you are looking to learn how to escalate an interaction faster, take a risk and start introducing sexual barriers.
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5 comments:
Great stuff Dan. I was just wondering, do you think there's a window in the interaction where you MUST SOI and start putting up sexual barriers?
The reason I ask is, my game has progressed to the point where i'm getting some venue changes or isolating the girls so I can have some one-on-one conversation, but it always ends platonic. Last night I realized I needed to SOI because I hadn't, but it had been like an hour and it just felt a bit weird because we were "just friends" for so long. Anyway I guess it comes with practice!
Absolutely. You must escalate when that window opens because it is very difficult to re-open it once it closes.
I SOI on the very first thing i find very unique and interesting about her.
This is really great stuff, as usual, SHH. You always present this material extremely clearly and well thought out with specific examples to demonstrate your points.
I really think that Charisma Arts needs an advanced class/DVD/seminar, something. I'd love to have a day just focussed on discussing phone game, day 2's, relationships, handling multiple long term relationships, sexual barrier examples and exercises, push pull examples and exercises, etc.
Basically take the Sunday and expand it into another weekend event.
I feel like there is very little guidance for the above stuff, most of the Charm School material is taught in the context of day 1.
I would go to one of these in a second.
-Sexy Intent
Dan, excuse this off-topic question about approaching; I would like to know if you only approach people when they are stationary, or it could be possible to begin interaction with moving people (walking on the street)? It is possible? What do you do in those situations? It would be useful to have guidance or technique on this aspect because so many attractive women walk down the street and it's frustating to let the opportunity go...
regards
I did the first San Diego wkshp. I don't think i have it on my schedule at all for the next couple ones. Maybe in the future. Prolly you will get Kory and Chad. Couldn't ask for better though.
You're talking street pickup. I don't have a lot to say about it except your focus openers and flopsies better be good. you need to catch their attention quick and then just walk with them. Expect a low success rate unless your game is tight. Still worth practicing. Good luck.
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